The Super Kyman Project: Collection of Kyman Stories

7. All I want for Christmas is (a) Jewwww

"Heh lame! Well, now that you're here, I have to tell you... Santa has been kidnapped!" I exclaimed, but to my surprise, they seemed very unamused.

"You guys! It's Santa he's in trouble, and we have to save Christmas!" I screamed at them but Kyle just rolled his eyes.

"Is Santa really kidnapped Fatass," Kyle asked with a blank expression

I scoffed dramatically, "Yes! He is and we have to save him!"

Kyle started turning around to walk away and Stan followed, "Fuck you guys! Ever since Kenny died you guys have been such lane assholes!" I yelled at them, holding back tears.

They both stopped walking and turned around to look at me.

"Él era nuestro amigo y no te importa? Eres el más egoísta persona en todo el mundo y no sé cómo te he conocido desde la escuela primaria. Navidad no es importante a mi ahora." Stan yelled.

"The fuck does that mean? Are you going to help me? " I asked, Stan just glared at me and started walking away.

"He called you selfish, and I agree with him. How can you just move on? Kenny's ou- Kenny was our friend, and you're more worried about Christmas?"

And with that I started to see RED!!!

I grabbed jew by the collar and started to go off (I'm such baddie!)

"Jesus FUCKING christ kyle!! He's dead! He's been dead for almost a fucking year when are you going to get over it? I try to bring back Christmas but you're too jewish to celebrate Christmas!!" I yelled.

How could they not see my FAT point of view!? I'm just tryna bring the spirit up and these SHEEP, wanna be depressed and shit!

I let go of Kyle and started yelling at Stan the emo fuck.

"And Stan you're fucking drunk this entire time!"

Fucking alcoholics, hate em, perchance.

"Call- cállate cartman gordo" Stan replied slurrings his words like the fucking wasted drunk he is.

"I don't know what that means but FUCK YOU STAN AND FUCK YOU KYLE!"

At this point I felt STEAM coming out of my ears!! Grrrr raaaahhh GRWAHAHA!!!

Then suddenly Kyle pulled me by the hair strands and punched me!!! What the flip!!!

"Ofcourse YOU wouldn't understand fatass! You have more FAT than empathy! Maybe because you only care about yourself, you don't see how hard this, but GYATT DAMNIT CARTMAN FREAK OFF!!"

He screamed.

That's when my face started to heat up again, perchance. You see I actually may or may not have feelings for the jew, teehee, I actually wanted to ask him out to Casa Bonita, and seeing him only care about DEAD KENNY, well it makes me so mad!!

Heh, I'm not jealous.... 𝓘'𝓶 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓳𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓼!!

"IF YOU LOVE KENNY SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU MARRY HIS DEADASS HUH???" I yelled while blushing.

Kyle then glared at me."You are unbelievable Cartman."

UNBELIEVABLE? ME???! WHAT THE FLIP!

"Oh I'M unbelievable?! "You know what fuck you guys, you can have your gay fucking memorial for Kenny but it won't fucking bring him back I hope you know that!! YOU WANNA SEE UNBELIEVABLE?! HUH HUH?! I'LL FUCKING PISS ON KENNY'S DAMN GRAVE THEN YOU'LL SEE UNBELIEVABLE!!"

They couldn't even respond to that, they just looked at me in disgust an skidaddled away. Fucking pussies! Perchance.

Few hours later I was at home in bed after eating 2 tubs of KFC, 12 powdered donuts, and 3 McDonalds happy meals. Perchance.