Double mutant Mikey (2012 AU)

Chapter 13 - Sinking down

Mikey could not feel any more stupid than ever before, he feels like an idiot, nearly getting himself killed in an accident, the most ridiculous accident he could have pulled off, now his condition, that had just improved by a lot, just got worse, his lungs got weaker than before and his sense of smell is very poor too, all because he didn't pay attention to what was going on around him and didn't ask for help when he needed to clean his room, a few more minutes in that closed bedroom with those toxic vapors and he would be done for, Mikey was pretty much friends with death at this point, he went through a lot of near death experiences and has already died before, if death was a person, Michelangelo would've probably befriended it, which would explain why his deaths were never such a long and painful process, maybe it was death's way of sparing him? Maybe not, death is not really a person anyway... right?

Whatever the case, it's been... what?... 2 months since he returned home? Probably? Who knows? Mikey doesn't, he lost track of time for quite some time now, he stopped checking and updating the calendar and he hasn't left the underground ever since his mutation, so he had nothing to go off of as to what day it is or even the date they're in, it's like the world stopped for him, it's weird.

Mikey suddenly opens his eyes, realizing that he fell asleep after Raph left, but something was off, he got up and saw he was in Donnie's hospital bed with a big needle in the back of his hand, it was connected to a weird bag hanging from a stick nearby, not that Michelangelo even noticed, he freaked out about the needle that was planted in his hand and forcefully pulled it off in a panic, he gets off the bed and takes a few steps away from there, looking for his family, just then, Donatello and Leonardo walk into the room, Donnie didn't had his mask on, so his eyeball were very visible, and Leo's eye were swollen, he was crying, their eyes widen when they saw Mikey.

🟣🔵 - "MIKEY!!!" They immediately jumped on him for a hug

🟣 - "Are you ok?! Feeling anything bad? How many fingers am I holding up?"

🟠 - "H-huh?.... uh... 2?"

🟣 - "Okay. Okay.... great job, little bro." He patted Mikey's head

🔵 - "How are you feeling? Is everything ok? You passed out for two days!"

🟠 - "I'm fine, Lee. Thanks for.... wait I WHAT?!"

Yeah, apparently after Raphael had left, Donnie followed soon and left Mikey alone managing his nebulizer, but at some point he passed out asleep and the others found him not so long later, but they were still unsure as to why Mikey just fell asleep so deep for so long, not even Mikey knew what happened or even how to respond to all of that, he was overwhelmed already and was having a hard time processing all of that, gladly, his older bros were there to help him feel safer, grounded and calm, all with just a soft a sincere hug that brought peace to Mikey's heart as he cuddled against their embrace and let out a relieved sigh, after a moment of comfort between them, Leo and Donnie take Mikey to the kitchen for him to eat something, while Mikey was asleep, they had to eat meal leftovers for breakfast, Mikey would be glad to roll up his imaginary sleeves and cook something for them all, but Leo and Donnie didn't think this was a good idea, they wanted Mikey to just sit down and relax as much as possible just to make sure he's alright.

"It's happening again, they're treating you like a child, they won't even let you do something so simple as cooking breakfast, one of the only things you're really good at and that they recognize you for, and now they're trying to take that away? What else will they do next? Say you can't go to the bathroom on your own?"

These kind of thoughts suddenly manifested in Mikey's head, when he realized the tone those thoughts had, he felt paralyzed and guilty for thinking of his brothers that way, like if they were doing it on purpose to belittle him, he knew this wasn't the case, his family was just worried for him, and there was not much he could do about the way his family handled their emotions, he's not a master of emotions anyway, he himself is an emotional roller-coaster, he just learned how to keep himself together while his mind goes into caos, his brothers are just worried and trying to help, they want him to get better soon, but they just don't fully know how, no one does, not them, not Mikey, or anyone, there's not even a guarantee that Mikey's ever gonna get better, for all they know, his condition can just spiral down until he collapses, or even, damn, he could just die tomorrow, out of the blue like that, and no one would be able to tell why or if it was bound to happen or if it happened because they messed something up, no one would know.

And this feeling is just eating Mikey up from the inside, it feels like he had some sort of illness that wasn't discovered yet, and so, there's no specific treatment, cure, medicine or anything to help them understand just what the heck is happening to him, he is scared for his life, not because he doesn't want to die, but because he knows how devastated his brothers and friends would be if he passed away, specially after all the effort they put into him, after all the attempts to help and heal him, if he dies now, all of that will go to waste and he will forever have this feeling that he failed them, that he betrayed them, that he was a burden to them, because in Mikey's eyes, his body was too weak to handle this and it was a matter of time until his bad luck got the better of him, that crippling fear and anxiety to fall short on someone's expectations was heart crushing, death is no longer a natural thing that should be accepted, to Michelangelo, death is now a sign of failure, if he dies, he'll stab his loved ones in the back, after everything they did for him, it all would go to waste, and the feeling of despair and sorrow would probably follow him to his next lives, forever fused into his essence, forever haunting his soul.

"Mike..."

"Mike...?"

"Mikey?! Are you okay?!"

Leonardo caught his baby brother crying in silence while staring at the table, Mikey got startled by hearing his big brother call out to him and as he was brought back into reality, he started crying way more violently, wailing in Leo's arm with his eyes squeezed shut until Mikey threw himself on his knees and blurted out everything he had bottled up inside.

🟠 - "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! *sniff* I'm not gonna make it, Leo! I really don't wanna die, I swear to the sun and stars that I mean it! But I can't see myself getting out of this one, bro! *sniff* I'm scared! I don't want to do this anymore! I don't know what I'm doing and I feel like something, no, EVERYTHING is out to get me, the chemicals were just a sign! Something WAY worse is gonna happen, I can feel it!! *sniff* I'm sorry I can't get better for you! I know that this is all you want from me! I swear, I'm trying real hard to heal, but it just seems impossible! *sniff* Please forgive me, brother!! I don't want to disappoint you but I can't, for the life of me, say that I will survive! *sniff* I'm sorry I made you go so far to try and help, but I just can't bring myself to have faith anymore! I'm too far gone and I know that I won't last long enough for a cure to be made! *sniff* I just want things to go back to the way they were before! But it was my own fault I ended up this way! And now I'm weighing you all down! *sniff* I tried... I really did, but this is just pushing me too far, I have limits too! And this is too much for me to bear! I'm on the edge of the world and I feel like any tiny push will send me to my death! I'm tired! I'm in pain! I just can't fight anymore! I'm not strong like you guys, I can't handle this pain any longer! I'm sorry I had to be such a failure of a brother! But I can't make it up to you all the effort you put into caring for me."

Leo just stood there in shock as he watched his baby brother crumble down in front of him, Mikey was on his knees, holding his hands together, like if he was begging to Leo, Donnie just froze in place as he started to cry too, Mikey saw Donnie's tears streaming down his face and felt even worse, he looked up at Leo, who was just glaring at him wide wide, almost bloodshot, eyes, he was completely motionless and this reaction caused Mikey to panic even more.

🟠 - "Leo! Lee! I'm sorry! Please, answer me!! I'll do anything, but please! I'm begging you to forgive me! Please don't leave me here hanging!! This is not fun!"

🔵 - "..."

🟠 - "LEONARDO, PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!!"

🔵 - "..."

🟠 - "Please... please don't hate me... I'm sorry, I dumped this onto you, I'm a dumb idiot, I know... I just couldn't hold it inside anymore... but please.... that's the last thing I'll ever ask you, please... can you forgive me for being so useless?"

.... (cliffhanger, haha)