Boys of Freedom

[9] 𝕭𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝕭𝖑𝖚𝖊

(Breathing Blue)

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Hey, this is not real. I hope someone's reading, though.

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I had a lot of bad thoughts the week after Goren's death.
I didn't think I ever truly wanted to die, but I started to create marks on my skin again, and I had let those possessive thoughts in my mind take control.
Perhaps it was just that awful feeling of realising that Goren wasn't coming back, that I wanted to drown, instead of myself, or perhaps I just wanted someone to realise my suffering; that I wasn't okay, not even close. But you couldn't kill feelings, and you couldn't rely on anyone to save you. Thoughts and feelings would never dissappear, not the ones that lived deeply within your soul.

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"Cigarette?"

I was offered a lit cigarette by the boy sitting besides me. He had blonde hair with teal streaks, dark brown eyes and that wild teenage grin. It was Gray, of course. We had started to talk more after Goren's death, even though it was strictly forbidden to talk to anyone outside of your own clan. It was also forbidden to smoke, that was a human-thing. None of us really cared about any of that. I had completely stopped caring about the rules since Goren died. I didn't need them. Not anymore.

"Yeah, thanks."
I took it, and closed my eyes for a second, smoke filling up my lounges, making my thoughts seem quieter.

I had decided to run away soon. To just leave all this shit. I didn't need anyone or anything. Goren had been the only thing keeping me here. I just wanted to be free. Gray was going to help me with that.

We were sitting on my cabin roof, even though it was late at night and freezing cold outside, just smoking in silence. Gray had stolen the cigarettes from a human-village, and I had admired him for doing that. I wanted to be free and careless, just like him.

"Elio, I need you to know, that I'm not staying for long."
He exhaled, blowing small circles of smoke into the midnight blue sky.

"I know."
I coughed, trying to make small circles like him. I wasn't used to smoking and ended up nearly burning a hole in my jumper.

"I'm not planning to follow you or go on little adventures with you either, you know that, right? I have other stuff to do."
He messed my hair up, laughing slightly.

"Yeah, I know."
I blew a strand of hair out of my face and bit my lip. I was actually going to be all by myself for a while.

Gray nudged my shoulder and took another puff of his cigarette.
"What's the matter? You'll meet lots of new people and maybe some of them will travel and go on adventures with you."

"That's right, I will."
I smiled, and took a puff of my cigarette too.

"See? Then there's nothing to worry about little half-elf boy."

★

"Got everything?"

"I think so."

"What about your spare bow?"

"Yeah, it's right here."

This was actually happening. I was going to run away. No one knew about it, of course, only Gray. He had figured out a brilliant plan, so no one would notice that I was missing until the next morning.

The adrenaline was pumping through my body, and I didn't even struggle to carry the large bags on my shoulders.

"Uhm, can we go and say goodbye to Goren one last time?" I asked, mumbling the 'last time,' as we climbed out of my window.

"Of course, you're going to miss talking to his grave, aren't you little half-elf boy?" Gray laughed, covering his mouth.

"Says you? I've seen you there almost every day, just walking around the graveyard, completely lost in your own thoughts."

Gray went quiet after this, and I wondered if I shouldn't have said that.

We walked for a bit, trying not to wake anyone up, but the sound of Gray's big leather boots made that kind of difficult.

"Why didn't you bring other shoes? We're going to get caught!" I complained, somewhat rasing my voice, even though I had just told Gray to be quiet.

"Shut up half-elf boy, we will get caught, if you continue screaming like that!" he hissed back, his hair glowing in the moonlight, that was the only source of light in sunless and rainy night.

"This is so pathetic, Gray, I'm literally running away, It sounds like something a five year old would do," I confessed, and brought a hand up to my face.

"Then let's be pathetic together," he whispered and took my hand. His eyes were almost glowing as much as his hair now.

"I thought you said that you weren't going to follow me?" I stuttered, my voice sounding very breathy, as I struggled to form simple words.

"Well, I'm not, but I'm also running away, Elion, away from everyone and everything...this is the second time I'm doing it," he admitted, and ran a hand through his hair, making it look even more messy.

"Oh, well-"

"Shh, I hear footsteps!"
Gray quickly dragged me behind a bush, cussing at himself. A few people with dark hoods covering their faces passed us, probably one of the Night Patrols, making sure no one was out at this hour. They didn't notice us.

"Fuck, that was close," Gray muttered and ran his hand through his hair once again.

I had been holding my breath while the patrol passed us, and now finally exhaled, coughing and spluttering.

"You really suck at this, El."

"Piss off, sapphire boy."

"I'm not going to piss off, you obviously need me," he chuckled, brushing dirt off his pants.

"Sapphire boy," he whispered and looked up at the beautiful midnight blue sky. Stars blinked down at us.

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