A Match Made In Hell (LGBTQ Romance Short Story)

Decision

Decision is the fourth stage in a relationship, often called the breaking point of a relationship. At this point, I didn't even have a relationship but I still had reached the decision phase. You normally get to this phase when you are contemplating leaving, not when you've already been left. Nevertheless, this is the phase where you leave, stay, or remain miserable in my case. In the end, I chose to leave, not the relationship as I said that was apparent to be over. But to leave the mindset of thinking I was in one still, leaving behind the need to feel sorry, remorse, regret, sadness. I knew that this was the darkest period of my life, that was more than clear. But for the longest while after the breakup, I caused it. I'm the one who constantly caused myself the heartbreak. It's hard for us to let go, especially of someone or something you really like or love. Change is never easy, most people don't adapt to change very well at all. I'd be a lie if I said I accepted all change. I'd also be a lie if I said by this point I wasn't still heartbroken.

June 2023

I was finally starting to be the real me again, I was energetic, kind of happy, and at the very least eating one meal a day. My family started to notice this change, and I was glad because I worked so hard to come back to them. I worked so hard to come back to myself, the true me. Still, the outlook on dating made me want to curl back up in a ball in my bed. Everyone thought three months was enough to try my hand at it again and, I thought so too but I look for something different in dating than everyone else. I'm a true Taurus majorly mean and always anti-social, finding someone who wants to put up with that is always a challenge. I was still in college and running my businesses. I really wanted that to go well, so I knew I couldn't take the time to create a relationship. Even though I was searching for a partner, someone to do things with. So I wasn't always working and so serious. Someone to take me away from normal adult life and have fun with. But I still had the apps on my phone, hell I still have them on my phone to this day. I swipe and meet people, but haven't found someone to want to invest the same energy as me into this. In 2023 monogamy is becoming the outlaw, people are calling you selfish for wanting to "restrain" a man or woman to one partner. So I knew from that point this game was going to be a long and steady one. but hey it's not like I had a choice in the matter, it was going to be what it was going to be whether I liked it or not. I wasn't going to put more of myself into a situation than the other person, they ruled out 75% of the people I matched with so I was happy that I was weeding out the bad ones.

Something made me reach out to Jake, I know I know....work with me here. I wanted to see how he was doing...NOT... I wanted my boo bear to come home. I wanted to try one more time while I was on good footing to try and understand his stance and see if we could come to a mutual ground. Speaking to him, I knew he was different, he was cold and distant.

"Eh, I think I'm Bi-sexual, but I don't think I could be romantically when a guy, getting fucked feels nice though."

I felt that pain in my chest but it started to slowly dissolve, I knew then it was over...not because I couldn't convince him to give me another chance. But because I simply didn't want to anymore, getting that text made me realize that I was a long-term hookup. Looking at it in that way seemed decent because we had great sex, but I knew it wasn't the real way to look at it. I wasn't crazy, I knew the things he told me and it wasn't to the tune of a hookup, I was led on, I was played, and I was used as a ploy to get over his ex. Viewing it from that standpoint should've crumbled my being, but it made me smile. Not because I thought about keying his car or beating him up. I did think about those things, but it made me smile because that was the truth all along & my mistake gave him the out he was going to find at some point anyway. It's why he shied away from labels and making things official. It was why the relationship ended the way it did, and that brought me the peace I never knew I needed.

You see I blamed myself for months, thinking my closed-mindedness was the death of our relationship. While it might have been the start, it was never the end. He never wanted a relationship, maybe all he wanted was sex. He knew I wouldn't be up for it, so he led me on to get what he wanted. Who knows the reason behind the lie, you could run yourself crazy thinking of the possibilities. I knew I was on my way to someday being fully okay and that I made every stride to fix my mistake, not make excuses, not act as if it wasn't there, not care. But I put in the time and the effort and that's something I could be proud of at the end of the day. So if it didn't work out with that person, that just meant he wasn't my person. Someone will know that I'm human and know I'm going to make mistakes and have lapses in judgment, but know that I will ALWAYS come from a place of love. Know that I will always own my mistakes and put in the work to make myself better. My person will know that.

So I decided to choose me, to walk away from Jake and that situation. I chose ME!