my yellow

18

the other night you told me that i'm hard to love. i couldn't agree more, i am hard to love. i had it hard growing up, faced mishaps one after another, left and right, up and down but that doesn't make me a horrible person. i do love truly, and this i say with all my heart, with all my broken bones and with all my lost thoughts. i do. my darkness puts the night sky to shame, but whenever i shine and bloom, you'd feel it in your skin and bones. loving isn't easy, who never said it was? i do understand that sometimes you'd fall and i'm not strong enough to lend a hand. it happens, and each time i falter, i lay awake drenched with guilt i can never wash away. i really wish it was easy to cry, i envy your tears. there are blackholes in my chest, my eyes and my appendages, despite all that i think of you. even when i'm wide awake i dream of you. there's always a you in every yellow and blue.

and one day i will make it all worth it; the tears you cried, the days you've waited and the nights you've felt lonely. i will be there to hold you, and once i do i will never let you go. i'll keep you safe and happy in my arms, spoil you, surprise you, make you feel you're on top of the world. those things sound a little way too much, but to me too much is barely enough. it will be hard, then it will be easy, after that nothing much would bother us.

i know i'm hard to love but i'd build a garden for you. i promise it'll get easier, just hold onto me a little longer.