Why Even Try (Book 1 of 4)

Chapter 18 - Loki's Poems

"And the new balms you had really made a difference, thank you." I say and she at looks me funny.

"What new balms dear?" Eira asks.

"The ones you put on this morning when I got back after walking with my mom and Cedrin..." I say, "they smell like lavender, and made the pain melt away."

"I have not been in the ward until just a few a moments ago, Honora was having an issue so I was dealing with her." Eira says. "She's upset with how the Prince abandoned her at the party yesterday, but it didn't really happen as she thinks it did."

She asks where they are and I tell her that she took them out of the room with her, and she gives me a confused look. Suddenly it hits my mom and she gets furious. She moves over and lifts my shirt; with Eira's help they run their hands over the wound and using a healer's eye can see a green shimmer.

"LOKI!" she yells.

"I told him to stay away from you," she breathes heavily with anger, "and he can't do that for you, or for me. It's always about him, I have had enough of this. Enough of him endangering you, we are going to Alfheim, or I am finding you another room."

My mom is furious and leaves the room, and Eira looks at my wound again. Just as she moves to touch me, I grab her arm. She is herself, and not Loki in disguise.

"Sorry Eira, I just needed to make sure you were ...you" I say and she laughs

My mom has placed other guards outside of my door and has given them the instructions that only she, the Queen, the healers and Sif are the only ones who are allowed in. Resigning myself to a night of loneliness, I reach over and grab Loki's book of poetry and begin reading. I am swept up in the language and the words and find that I have tears in my eyes:

Even all that I could find
Would not be enough for you
I would give you, with all my might
The million spot of lights
The stars from the night sky
But it would never be enough,
if you would just let me
give you all that I know you deserve
When I hold you in my arms
I hold my world,
and it is still never enough...
What more...

And it stops... flipping through the remaining pages of the book, I see that they are blank. This poem is the last one in the book, it's not finished; the book is not finished and there are empty pages waiting to be filled.

Why is Loki reading a book that isn't finished? How would he find an unfinished book?

"Oh no worries Asmund, I will not be long," Frigga says and enters the room. "Good evening dear."

She moves to touch me and I grab her arm too, she laughs and remains herself.

"You perform that spell well, it's almost undetectable, I am very proud of you"

"Thank you, your Majesty, what brings you here?" I ask.

"Well, I have confined Loki to his rooms for the stunts he has pulled with you recently, and he is looking for his book of poetry...have you seen it? He seems to think he left it here and he is quite anxious about it since he hasn't seen it for a few days."

The book is hidden under my blanket, and I do not want to relinquish it to her, because I want to figure out who wrote these; I want to read them again. But then again, I know Loki and he is probably going mad that he cannot read his book.

"I know you were reading it the other day, dear..."

"I was reading it and I was wondering who wrote those poems?" I ask.

"Do you like them?"

"I do, I like them very much. They are some of the most beautiful words I have ever read."

She shakes her head from side to side subtly and touches my face.

"You haven't figured it out, have you? My Dear, those poems were written by Loki...for you."

My eyes go wide, and I feel stunned to my core. I pull the book out from under the covers and hand it to Frigga. She takes it from me, and places a hand on my face and nods as if to answer the question in my eyes.

"I won't tell him that you know, or that you read them" she says, "he truly does care for you, even though he has a very odd way of showing it. You and he have been friends for a very long time and that type of bond is something to cherish."

Just then Cedrin comes into the room with a bouquet of flowers. He bows to Frigga who sweeps from the room. Cedrin comes in and sits down and we chat for a bit. While Cedrin chats and I pretend to listen, but I cannot focus on what he says. My thoughts are full of the poems, Loki's poems. It's seems like no time has passed until my mom comes in, asks Cedrin to leave and I fall asleep. 

The next morning we are packing up the flowers, and I get ready to leave. I haven't heard from Loki since the telepathy yesterday afternoon and I do miss him, but I am also still playing his written words over in my mind.

I never knew he wrote poetry, or anything. What else don't I know about him? But what about what I have hidden from him?

We get to our apartment space in the palace, and my mom suggests that Cedrin and I go for a walk. She needs to check on a few things for the feast tomorrow to celebrate Loki's birthday. Even though there was a dance a few nights ago, Odin loves to celebrate anything at the drop of a hat. Cedrin and I walk in the gardens in he asks if he can escort me to the feast tomorrow, and I tell him that I will have to meet him there and that right now, I really do not want to have a date for the ball especially since I am still healing, and I probably would not be the best company. I also tell him that I plan to leave and not stay for the whole celebration.

It's just too difficult to explain, he would never understand anyway.

He gives me a hug as we arrive back in my apartment and I go inside.

"So are you going to the ball with him tomorrow?" my mom asks as she and Asmund sit and have tea.

"No, I told him I would meet him there." I say, "besides, you know what I have to do anyway. And it would be too difficult to explain to everyone showing up with a date, and it would be too difficult to explain it to a date."

She nods, she's supportive of what I am going to do, even though it might not be the best under the circumstances, I need to do this for the birthday boy; as I have done year after year since these dances began.

"Good night mom, good night Asmund." I say and he nods.

"Good night sweetie. I'm so glad you are home..."