MY STORY

20.

Finally, after what felt like hours but were just mere seconds, Batul spoke
"Abbu has been miserable ever since you left" It was the first thing she voiced, her throat worked "It's affecting him more than you think. First, I thought it was guilt that was eating him up, for letting you leave. But then I think he just misses you so much more than he likes to admit"

"And Khairi don't even get me started on Iman, your absence is affecting her so much that it's staring to worry me. Anwar's been asking where you've been, he's too young to understand what is happening so I just told him you traveled, but these days he's been pestering me that he wants to talk to you..." Batul choked on her words as she took a momentary pause

"What you don't know Khairi or that Abbu never wanted you to leave, he was just so gobsmacked that day, that he couldn't even utter a single word for the rest of the day. It totally fazed him, believe me Khairi I couldn't even believe it myself. And then imagine the heartbreak Abbu would have went through, after doing all his best to raise us and make us follow the straight path, and then he finds out that his own daughter is pregnant. He was flabbergasted! How? Why? When did all this happen? Out of all of us you had the best of manners, then where did it go wrong? What did he do wrong?"

A silence followed, Khairi finally said "But..b-but.." She stammered, not finding the right words to string a sentence

"I'm not done. That same day you left, After maghrib we all went out looking for you, but you were nowhere to be found. Abbu even sent some people the next day to look for you all over town, but no one found you, and nothing could be done"

"But I clearly remember him telling me to leave! He said you receive h  it's curse if you ever talk to me again" She was finally able to form words, Khairi went on with a pained voice "I can never forget the disappointment in his face as he told me to leave, it was the worst moment of my entire life"

"No Khairi!" Her older sister's voice went up a notch "If I clearly remember, you were on your knees asking him for forgiveness, but Abbu couldn't even speak, he couldn't even look at you! But then you told him that you totally understood if he wanted you to leave, and then you did! You left!" Batul's voice was now laced with anger, all the anger she's been keeping to herself "You just left! Without waiting for him to speak or say anything to you, you left!"

She took in a sharp inhale of breath "It was a horrendous day for us. We spent hours looking for you and didn't even went back home till after midnight. And that day Abbu..." A pause came "I've never seen him that way, he cried Khairi, Abbu cried. His whole body was shaking I've never ever seen him that way"

A gasp escaped her, her hands flying to cover her lips in horror. Her eyes moistened, what had she done?

"None of us could sleep that day, not when we didn't know where you are, or in what situation you were in. But you just left Khairi, not even thinking of how we felt. Do you know how I felt? No! You just went ahead and leave. We're family, and no matter what happens we still care for you, we can't just let you..." Khairi watched her older sister as she broke down into another fresh set of tears

And it broke her, it completely and utterly broke her. She was in a turmoil of emotions and her heart, her heart pained her so much that it physically hurt

"I thought he just wanted me to leave, since he didn't say anything" Her voice came out so low, that it was just an octave above a whisper "How could I stay Batul? With what eye do I look at my father? After the shame I've brought upon him, upon all of you"

Her sister was just shaking her head vigorously

"But...how did you find out I was here?" The question had been nagging her, and she couldn't help but ask