A Living Shield (John Price x OC/Reader slowburn)

11) Fear Made Tangible

[Song 🎵: Flesh and Bone - Black Math]

Have you ever felt the tangible feeling of fear?

Lingering in the air.

Corrupting your senses as if it was the only thing you could hear, smell or see, even if nothing was there?

Like a drug that was circling in your system, unable to be purged.

That's what it felt like. That looming feeling that something was off. Something unequivocally bad.

You knew what it came from. What it meant. And you fiercely hoped you were wrong.

It was the silence outside of your prisons door.
The absence of people coming and going.
The restlessness in hours of being alone, as if you suddenly didn't matter.

That gut feeling like everything around you was holding its breath in a symphony of trepidation.

You'd been waiting for anything, anyone at all in the last few hours. But nothing.

They'd left you alone, no one guarding your door; no one taking another shot at you; no one spitting in your face as you defied their efforts. Utter solitude.

You weren't sure what to do with it but you knew it was wrong. Your ears perking up at every sliver of sound it caught, wondering if it was a trick of the brain, as if it was trying to appease its own search for any sound of life. Even the everlasting buzzing of the lights above you seemed to have dimmed, like they were confirming what you'd been expecting.

The aching in your body was ever present, broken and bent but somehow still holding on. The pain a constant reminder of what you'd been through. It had taken a lot out of you to stay lucid, waking up after the deep coma it had been in. The memories that'd flooded your brain as you'd tried to ignore the pain were still fresh. Their faces clear in your view, as if your team was there in the room with you. Staring at you with an intense sadness.

Is this my brains way of giving me what I want? The comfort of having them with me? How cruel.

As they stood there, it was a stark reminder of your failure in trying to keep your pain and sorrow at bay. Their presence both soothing yet tormenting. Like dangling something in front of your face that you could never have.

So you sat with it, alone, the illusion of their presence watching over you. Four silhouettes, fading in and out of existence.

Soap. Ghost. Gaz.

And Price.

All just the way you remember them, in their usual gear. Ready for work, as if you were leaving for a mission. Yet all of them expressing a sadness that tugged on your heart. Like these figments of your imagination knew what you were going through, but were unable to interfere.

Soap and Gaz looked absolutely heartbroken, an emotion so deeply shining through their eyes it was nauseating to look at. Even Ghost who was good at hiding his feelings, looked more sad and distraught than you'd ever seen him. Maybe your brain just showed you what you wished they were feeling. Hoping they gave enough fucks to ever display such emotion towards your absence, but in a way you knew it wasn't a lie.

You all cared for each other deeply. Illusion or not, you'd become family. It was the reason you were sitting here and not any of them. You wouldn't have it any other way.

The one person you couldn't focus on, refused to look at, was the last one. His presence was too confronting, pointing out so obviously what you'd lost, what wasn't real. Your sorrow too big to allow you to look in the eyes of the person that you'd wanted to see the most.