Shadow Girl (Ongoing)

Chapter 20

Despite my loud thoughts and repetitive flashes of everything that happened, I managed to fall asleep after getting dropped off at my hotel.

I checked the time on my nightstand when I woke up, 6:20AM. A car is supposed to pick me up at eight. I hadn't bothered to set an alarm, but somehow my body knew I should be getting up.

After a hot shower, I brush my teeth and fix my hair, opting for a sleeked back high pony tail, spending extra time ensuring not a strand is out of place.

I think about breakfast, I know I should have something to eat. But I just feel like I can't stomach anything right now.

I make my bed as if I were home and scan the room, looking for what else I can do. But nothing is out of place.

Since I still have thirty minutes to kill, I grab my book: How to Analyze People with Psychology.

But I can't make it past the first page without intrusive thoughts about yesterday. Thoughts of Agent Clyde. I don't know that much about him, but I know that he saved my life.

Is that what my ending is going to look like if I stick with Agent Simmons? After all, we technically have the same position. That could be me in 20 years. Or sooner. I suppose it wouldn't be that much of a loss to the universe if I left. It's not like I'll have parents who miss me. Or any family at all, really.

I wonder if Clyde had a family. He mentioned a nephew, but did he also have a significant other? Someone left heartbroken at his sudden demise? Maybe he intentionally stayed alone, in case of something like this.

I think back to my school and the drama I've recently gotten myself entangled in. It suddenly feels so small and so...frivolous.

I think about Johnathan and our date. We were supposed to be having fun. A check off my silly checklist to have a boyfriend. But it got too complicated, too fast.

I think about Nate Donovan and my chest feels heavy. It's not right, the way that I left things. It's also not right for someone like me to get involved with anyone at all. They'd only end up hurt.

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At head quarters, we have a moment of silence for Agent Clyde, as well as the other two agents who died in our van.

"But their deaths were not in vain," Agent Simmons continues his speech, making eye contact with everyone in the conference room. There are at least thirty people here, who are supposedly directly involved in this assignment. I'm not sure I would be here if the shooting hadn't taken place.

"Thanks to Agent Nathalie Parker," Simmons looks at me as he announces this part. "We have a solid lead on how the attackers were able to discover our car and who is responsible for the shooting."

Some people take glances at me. A couple of them nod reassuringly, probably noticing my age and feeling sorry for me.

I zone out the rest of the meeting. That's all they get? A moment of silence? I'm not sure what else I can even expect, but that sure as hell doesn't make me feel any better.

Maybe this is the norm around here. But nobody really looks sad in this room. They all just look like they're ready to get back to work. Maybe Agent Clyde would have wanted this.

I want to focus and be more involved in this assignment, but I can't. I can't get my mind to stop wandering and replaying yesterday's horrible events. I should have spoken up sooner. Even seconds could have saved us.

"Ms. Parker?" Agent Simmons is looking at me intently. I notice the meeting had been adjourned and people were mostly exiting the room.

"Sorry," I snap out of it. "I'm not feeling the best."