Lost Future

7 years Ago

Taking my hand away from him, I stood up and went over to his side. I held his shoulders and turned him to face me with his face drenched in tears and his brown eyes already red from crying. It's painful to be doing this and seeing him this miserable just doubles what I'm feeling. But I've already made up my mind and this is the consequence of it. I should end this quickly if I want to keep my sanity and his.

I kneeled in front of him and held his hands over his lap. With all the courage that I have, I looked at him lovingly and smiled.

"I've been so blessed to have been able to capture your heart and I don't regret being the one courting you back then just to do so." Even in this situation we couldn't help but chuckle at the memory. Seeing his smile even if it's a tiny one made me feel relieved. "You've been the best boyfriend anyone could ever have and don't even think for a second that this is your fault or that you have to change anything about you 'cause you're already more than perfect the way you are. I'm the imperfect one and I'm sorry for that."

Standing up, I pulled him with me and gave him the warmest hug that I have ever given to anyone. It's my futile attempt of translating all of my emotions into something other than words; emotions that will never be expressed properly by someone like me. He did the same and he held me so tight that I'm getting slightly crushed but I don't care. All I want to do is to live in this moment, live in his warmth, live in his love. I'll take this memory with me and treasure it more than I will with the most precious diamond on earth.

"I love you and don't even think otherwise." I whispered in his ear.

"Then don't break up with me." He replied holding me even tighter.

Hearing his plea almost made me waver and give in but I'm stronger than that. I have to be.

"I-I can't."

"At least tell me why Hyun." He cried out as he buried his head on my shoulders. "Give me a reason, any reason. Don't just leave and let me get stuck wondering what went wrong."

"Then don't wonder. Don't get stuck. Just know that this is what I want, this is what I need."

"How can I let you go just like that? Tell me."

I sighed deeply because I don't know the answer to his question myself and I know I'm being very vague and unfair to him making things harder for me.

"Do you want me to be happy?" I asked.

He nodded against my shoulder in reply.

"Then do this for me." I said.

"I don't want to. I don't want to lose you Hyun." He was shaking his head as more tears fell.

"Please. Do this for me." I begged.

With sad and hesitant eyes, he looked at me and somehow, I think he saw the desperation in my eyes. It's true. I'm desperate. I need HIM to let me go. It's the only way for me to live with myself knowing that it wasn't only me who decided on this but the both of us. This is my only consolation.

"There's that sad look in your eyes and if being with me is the reason for it, then I guess I'll have to bear with the pain of letting you go for now. This is how much I love you." He kissed my forehead lightly like he always does. "Always remember though that you can come back to me anytime and I won't hesitate to take you back and when that time comes I will NEVER, no matter how much you struggle or beg, let go again."

Finally, I broke away from the hug as he let go and I gave him one last peck on those sweet and soft lips of his; another memory that I'll tuck in my heart.

"If you really love me, promise me something Taehyung-ah."

"Of course I love you! I love you more than anything in this world and I'll do anything just to prove it." He proclaimed.

"That's good to know." I smiled brightly after his profession. "Just promise me that no matter what happens you'll pursue your dream of becoming a lawyer and do everything that you can to be the best lawyer out there."

He smiled smugly and said, "Piece of cake."

"Great, I'm pretty sure it would be useful to you in the future to be one."

After saying everything that I needed I gave him one last hug.

"I love you." He said while crying.

"Babo." I answered for the last time and I know he knows what I meant by that.

It was like cutting my limbs off while I tried to pry my arms away from him but I was still able to do so. I smiled at him for the last time and he tried to do the same though tears are running down his face. I started leaving when I remembered something important that I need to ask of him.

I turned back and said, "Tae, another thing. Once you've reached that peak of your career, please come and find me. Promise?" I lifted my pinky up.

"Promise." And he lifted his.

Right then and there a promise was sealed and I know for a fact that he will keep it. He has never broken a promise and I'm sure he won't start with this one. I smiled at the thought that at least I have something of him with me.

And then I left.

I left the man I've loved for so long as he breaks down from the heartbreak that I just caused. I left him, a promise and my heart.

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