The Way We Fall

Chapter 132 (Roche)

"Can I give you a hug?" she asked. Kai's eyes widened with surprise, but he nodded anyway. Roche looped her arms around him, holding him tight. She felt him smile against her temple, and he shifted the tray to one hand to hug her. When they pulled apart, Kai's smile stayed with him.

"Thanks, Roche."

"Anytime." Roche pointed her finger at him with teasing menace, "Now, are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?"

Kai leaned back against the wall, gripping the edges of Finn's tray in a white knuckled grip.

"It's Tigris," Kai admitted softly, "And Finn. I feel like they're both waiting for me to make a choice and I don't know what to do. How do I refuse them both?"

Confusion swirled through her both. "Wait, you don't want either of them?"

"I do," Kai whispered, his eyes darting around the hall like he feared someone would overhear, "But Finn's already sparked the king's anger. You saw what he did. If Finn was caught looking in my direction affectionately," Kai's breath shuddered, his eyes glistening, "I don't know what he'd do. I can't risk Finn like that. Or Tigris. What do you think the king would do if his heir was caught liking a servant?"

Roche's heart ached for him, for the raw distress on his face. "But... you like them?" she asked. Kai closed his eyes.

"Of course I do," he sighed, "I can't like them both. Not in that way. My heart will pick a side one day, I know that, but for now I'm confused. Even worse, I don't think this is a choice I can risk making anymore. What might the king do to them?"

Roche swallowed. There was nothing she could say to make this better. She squeezed his shoulder.

"When Tigris is queen," she said quietly, "I know things will be different."

"I know," Kai whispered, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, "But they might not wait that long. And if I tell them no... what if I lose them both for good? They're all I have, Roche. I grew up in this castle. My parents are dead. Aodh is the closest thing I have to a brother. My entire life is in this castle. If they get bored of waiting for a different time... I don't know what I'll do."

"Woah!" Roche grabbed both of his shoulders, giving him a small shake to pull him from the reverie, "Kai, a blind man could see how much you mean to them. If they care for you as much as I know they do, they'll wait. They'd wait ten lifetimes for you. You know why?"

Kai lifted his brow. Roche smiled warmly.

"Because you, Kai, you are the kindest man I've ever met. You cared for those three royals on your own since you were a boy. You continue to serve them, even after their father locked you in a cell and sentenced you to burn. Again and again you open your heart to them, even though the world tried to beat you down. They know that, as your friends. They'll keep you in their lives, no matter what, be it as a friend or a lover, because you're just that good. Hell, I'd court you myself if I saw you that way, but I guess I'll have to leave that to the royals."

Roche patted his cheek fondly, frowning when his grin turned watery.

"None of that, Kai! If you start crying, I'll start crying, and we'll both never stop!"

"Thank you, Roche. Truly. You always know what to say," Kai sniffled. Roche nudged him.

"Well, you always know what to do, which I'd argue is far more useful."

Kai's eyes widened in realisation. "Roche, we're supposed to be serving breakfast!"

Roche cursed and ran towards the kitchens. "Bye, Kai! Love you! Have fun with your royal triangle of heart problems!"