The next week was hard. I managed to pull myself together enough to get back to work on the following Monday. Nick met me in the staffroom before classes started and we sat together on one of the sofas, talking.
"Are you sure you're ready to come back? I'm sure Mary would let you have more time off."
"No. I have to get back to normal somehow. I'll go crazy cooped up at home any longer."
"Have you talked to Ben at all?"
"Only briefly. He came home to get a change of clothes on Friday. I told him to at least give me time to figure things out."
"If he still loves you, he'll respect that."
"He doesn't love me. If he did, he wouldn't have cheated."
"You know that's not true, Charlie. He does love you. He always has and he always will."
"Who's side are you on?"
"I'm not on any side, Charlie. I'm just being a friend for you."
"I need a friend." He nodded and gave my hand a friendly squeeze.
"I know. That's why I'm here." The bell rang then and we both stood up, grabbing our things to head off to our classes.
"I'll be okay today." I said, more to myself than to him. He seemed to understand and simply nodded, sending me an encouraging smile before heading towards the media rooms.
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At home, Nathaniel was an angel. He made sure he and Alexis were fed at a reasonable time and helped her with her homework. He would do his own later, after Alexis was in bed.
"Dad?" I looked up from my mini blanket fort in my bed when Nathaniel called out to me from the doorway.
"Yeah?"
"Um, Ben's here. I tried to get him to leave but..." I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment and sighed.
"It's okay. I've got to talk to him at some point, anyway."
"Are you sure?"
"Why don't you call Nick on my phone? See if he can come and get you and Alexis. If this gets ugly with Ben, I don't want you two here for it."
"But what if...?"
"I'll be okay, Nathaniel. Go and call Nick." He nodded as I un-buried myself from the blankets and checked how I looked in the mirror before going downstairs. Ben was stood in the living room, his eyes trained on the gallery of photos on the wall. "Ben."
"Charlie, hey." He smiled as he turned to look at me.
"What are you doing here?"
"I want to talk to you. I want to talk through this."
"Talk? You want to talk about this?"
"Yes. I need you to understand why I did what I did." He stepped closer but I stayed put, hovering in the doorway.
"I know why. You don't love me anymore. I'm not enough for you anymore. What I don't know is when? When did I become not enough? When did you stop loving me?"
"I've never stopped loving you, Charlie. Never."
"I'm finding that really hard to believe."
"Please, just let me explain. I know you, Charlie. If you can understand what I'm telling you, I know you'll forgive me."
"Forgive you? Ben, you're crazy if you think that after everything we've been through, after everything you've done, I'll forgive you."
"But that's just it, Charlie. Because of everything we've been through you can forgive me."
"Try me."
"Okay." He reached a hand towards me but I flinched back. "Can we sit?"
"You can. I'm quite comfortable here."
"Whatever you're happy with." He didn't sit, instead staying standing only a few feet away from me. Upstairs, I could hear Nathaniel talking to Alexis and I figured they'd managed to get out of the house for a while.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Tell me why I'm supposed to forgive you."
"Firstly, I need you to know that I never stopped loving you, Charlie. I have loved you from the moment we met and I will keep loving you until the moment I die. What I've done is no reflection on that. At first, I was mostly just humouring him. He knew I was married to you. But he kept flirting with me. It was harmless." I scoffed.
"Harmless. Look how that turned out."
"Just hear me out." He begged and I nodded. "When he asked me out to dinner, I figured I could use it to shut down whatever he was trying to do. But then he kissed me. I didn't kiss him back right away but I did in the end and one thing led to another. I guess you can figure out what happened then. After that, I kept telling myself that it would be the last time I met up with him. That I would break it off with him and come clean with you, hoping that you'd understand and forgive me."
"But you didn't."
"I know. Because some part of me was still optimistic enough to think that this wouldn't be a big deal. That it'd just be a bump in the road."
"A bump in the road? Are you serious?"
"I'm sorry Charlie. I really, truly am. I wish there was some way to take it all back."
"Well, there isn't. You've betrayed me, my heart and my trust. There's no chance you can ever get them back."
"Not even a little?"
"No. Because you know what, Ben? I gave myself to you. Totally, completely. Every part of me. And for what? For you to throw it to the ground, jump on it, smash it? When you helped me through those tough times back when we first met, I thought you must be an angel or something for being able to help me. I can see now that you haven't really been there for me for a long time."
"I have though. What about everything we've been through with Nathaniel?"
"Don't bring that up. That's irrelevant right now. Don't you dare bring our children into this. This has nothing to do with either of them and you know it." I glared at him as I spoke, my voice low and dangerous sounding. Clearly it scared Ben enough to back down a bit.
"Okay. Look; I came here tonight to tell you my story. So that you can hear it and understand it. I'll leave now so you can think. But I'll be back soon."
"Don't bother. I don't want to see you." I told him, my arms crossed. "If, and I mean 'if', I decide I want to talk, I will call you. Don't call me."
