The One

🌸 Chapter 19

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A/N: Picture of Jamie Dillon.

We get out of the truck and I'm still in too much shock for talking. What do you say after that? Matty grabs my hand as if he isn't fazed at all that we are half-siblings. I'm going to have to be the strong one here. We obviously can't be together if we are related. But the sinking feeling in my heart wants to reject the morality of it. I love him so much. And I just got him back. But I won't be bad. I could never.

Once we are inside, Matthew pins me against the kitchen island with his hands on either side of me. He leans down to look me in the eyes. I can see the worry in them. He isn't as unaffected as he appears. 

"Don't run, Prim." He looks in my eyes for my reaction. "Promise me, whatever you do, you won't run." I nod my head. "I mean it, I feel like we could get through anything together but I won't survive if you leave now and I know you want to." My breathing still hasn't regulated, I'm overwhelmed by all of this. "Promise me Prim, I need to hear you say it."

"I won't run. I promise. But Matty, if we are siblings, and there is a good chance we are, I doubt I can stay. I will need to find somewhere else to be. I can't watch you marry and raise children with someone else." 

He winces at my words but then pulls me into a hug. I don't fight it this time. "That would never happen, Primmy. I would never do that to you." 

I feel momentary relief. But then I realize that I don't hope for Matt to never have a wife and children. I just really wish it could be me. If he can't have me, I would still want him to be happy. I give a quiet groan, it is like my insides are tearing apart with the horrible likelihood that we are related. I agree that our parents all deserve something terrible for doing this to us. I pull back.

Matty looks down at me, "You okay?" I nod. "I'm going to go ask Hank if I can have the morning off to get the DNA test."

Oh gosh. "Don't tell him why!"

"I wouldn't." He gives a slight smile. "And I'll grab us some food."

I nod. "I'm going to take a shower."

"I'll take your car if that's alright."

"Sure." I know he's taking my car to insure I don't run. But I wouldn't do that to him now that I know how affected he would be.

He's actually doing a pretty good job of keeping it together. Knowing him, he should be having a full blown anxiety attack by now. I think he's become stronger than I realized these last years. Stronger than me, apparently if my swimming head is any indication.

As I stand under the stream of hot water, everything plays back over in my mind. It's just a lot to take in. It isn't hard to believe that Roger wasn't my father. He was never very affectionate. I wonder if his coldness to me started when he found out I wasn't his. I honestly can't remember him ever being loving. I guess I'm going to have to get used to the idea that I have a biological father out there somewhere, perhaps even a whole family.

I think about Blake being my father. I wish it didn't seem so logical that it would be him. Whenever Blake saw me he always made a special effort to come say hello, ask me how I was. If Blake is my father it means I have other siblings also. I wonder how Trent would take having a third sister. It probably wouldn't faze any of the Stanford children since I was practically raised with them. 

Would I change my last name? Primrose Stanford. A shooting pain runs through my temple at that thought. I've dreamed of having that name but it was because I wanted to marry Matty, not be his sister. I brush away the tears forming in my eyes and run my face under the hot water.