Uniquely Perfect

Chapter36 Past Pain Trapped in the Present 2

////// Ka'Lilya POV //////

Past few days has been so hard. I can't believe it's been 5 years since I buried my daughter. This pain won't stop. I can't breath on my own. Why did this have to happen. I would of gave her a good life even giving Jacob a chance to know her. That powerful pain that can't be described I felt when they placed my baby girl in my arms even though she had done died shattered my entire life. Looking at her so peaceful and no hurt. I was hurting enough for the both of us. I couldn't let her go. Zander had to take her while Channel held me close while all I could do was scream and cry. Cried broken hearts blood tears that even now stain my face. No matter what I did to feel again it didn't work. Suffering in my angel's death became my death. I was a living dead woman who had her eyes open, yet sewin shut so I can forever have the memory of my princess in site. I didn't won't to see anything nor live any more. 5 years later still empty and very broken. Pain is raw only thing is sometimes it's more intense than other times......

//////// Jacob POV ///////

Just brought my mom some beautiful flowers for her birthday. I'm sure by now my dad has done been. He's been lost in her love since she took the first bullet. I swear as I got older I often wonder if his heart stop beating the moment my mamma's did. He was never the same of course neither am I. I know she is no where near proud of me for how I go through females. My phone rings bringing me back to reality.

Hello...

J, how you holding up?

D, the same just like I feel when the anniversary of her death comes around. D, It's fucked up I was looking dead in her face in her eyes when she took the first bullet. I didn't see fear, rage or anger. Hell I didn't even see that when she took the other two. What I did see was the love she had for me. In her eyes all I saw was the depth of her love for me. Pictures of her, dad and I like a memory scrapbook of us and we was looking at it together one final time. Then when she collapse in my arms feeling her warm blood flow from my body. She looks at me with all her last strength and she told me she loves me. Now all I can do to show my love to her is take her some flowers.

D, It's fucked up and it hurts. This whole in my heart in my life can't be replaced or repaired. I'm to afraid.

J, and as we both know the anniversary of her death is next week. I think back to her last birthday I spend with her. Dad got her this necklace and charm bracelet said it was from me, but she knew it wasn't but she sure was so happy to get it. I help dad get it. The necklace was a large heart locket with mine and her name on it and on the inside two different pictures of her and me together. The bracelet had my inital " J " in diamond's and then picture frames with picture's of my. Her little mini man. Fuck J, I should of did something I say as I bust out in tear's on the phone with Drew.

Jacob, man their was nothing you could of did. Muther fucker I should of taken the bullet's instead of my mom. She was a strong beautiful person with a heart of pure gold.

J, I know she did. She loves you she loved me to. I remember she told me I had one son but ended up with two. D, this shit is a real intense deep pain that I won't to leave me yet I don't 'cause I feel if I do then I will loose her. That's the last memory I have of my mom. A bloody messy. I still have my clothes from that day. I don't want to let go no more of my mom than I already have. She she told me she loved me the last time her eyes full of a emotional mixture of peace and love, tell me why I'm trapped in death and hell and I can't get out.

I break down crying even more dropping the phone gripping tightly to the picture of my mom........

/////// Ka'Lilya POV ///////

Sitting in the car while Channel driving us to cemetery the closer i get to is the more broken I become inside. Zander holding my hand. I'm resting my head on his arm. The car stops. Zander gets out and takes my hand. Channel get's the white and pink flower's from the passenger side of the floor board. Trying so hard not to cry and hold just piece myself back just for this moment. holding my stomach where she lived and I talked with her. Our only mother and daughter time. Zander Whisper's in my ear It's O.kay to cry out your broken heart Lilya. I collapse on her grave and cry. Pain flooding back to me her no longer kicking inside of me the open wounds that are not visible to the naked eye are ripped open again. Zander sits behind me and holds me while I cry over my baby girl's grave..........

////// Channel POV //////

Watch Lilya most would think this was her lowest but it's not. She broken trapped in that night she can't escape from she tries to but her life is their she feels. Scared to step into the world of the living. My pain run deeps as her's. This little angel changed us and whether we decide to admit it or not her death shattered us, now we cry acid tears feeling the sting of the burn as they flow from our eyes. I drop down to Lilya holding her hand while Zander holds us both while we just all cry.......

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