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A Midsummer Night's Dream - Detailed Feedback

There are, of course, many ways to write, but I'll offer an alternative that sticks as close to the original as possible:

"He acknowledged it but never made his sentiments apparent, always dodging around and keeping their conversation short and astute."

The "regarding it" makes the sentence a bit clunky, and the comma coming before too is a bit strange considering there's a conjunction right after it, so I would recommend removing the "too" altogether since it doesn't do much for the sentence other than cause confusion.

You do a better job balancing pace and complex vocabulary, but there were still some words and sentences that were redundant (like the one I mentioned above). Another was the use of the word "glabella." It felt very off and jarring for the sentence. I'm not saying don't use complex vocab words, but try to make it so the audience at least has a chance to figure out what the words are without needing to Google them, such as through context clues. There were no clues in the sentence featuring "glabella" to let me know what it meant. I hope that makes sense.

You don't have to do this every time since you are writing for a mature audience, so complex vocab is to be expected, but if you're using words not even English majors know, I'd recommend using context clues.

It's fine for things like medical reports; it makes sense for complex vocab to appear w/o explanation or context clues there, but I'm talking about in the general text.

This is so a me thing so I perfectly understand ignoring what I'm about to say, but giving a warning about schizophrenia made me know how the story was going to end by the first line. I've read a couple stories that had schizophrenia in the warnings and I was able to know the endings just based on that, which kind of hurts the flow when I'm expecting it.

It is a very well-done twist, but for me, it wasn't as impactful. I have mixed feelings about it because on one hand, putting a warning about schizophrenia makes sense, but on the other, reducing the warning to "mental health issues" could do the trick too.

That's why I'm saying I perfectly understand if you want to ignore what I'm saying because it's not really a criticism of the story. This topic is such a slippery slope so it's hard to talk about. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, it just personally didn't work for me because it was like spoiling myself. Or maybe it's just because I've read stories with similar endings that all had one common thread: schizophrenia.

I'm not suggesting you change the warning because, like I said, it's a slippery slope and one I don't want to get into. But since it was my experience with the story, I thought I'd share anyway.

Otherwise, I have no suggestions. Like I said earlier, I really didn't have many.

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Summary:

- Interesting main character

- Interesting decision to have the story take place through the incubus' eyes

- Creative concept

- Overall engaging story

- It feels different and unique

- Some grammar errors and confusing sentences

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Your Devil: A Doomed Catastrophe - Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I believe I have reviewed YD twice before, so if anything I say here is repeating what I've said before, I apologize. I don't reference my old reviews if I'm reviewing the same book again because I want to read it with a fresh mindset. Rereading books with fresh mindsets allows for the fairest reviews, in my opinion. I also think it gives me a chance to pick up on details I didn't notice the first time!