The Submissive Assassin (BxB)

Chapter 97 - "I almost killed you."

Yes, he loved Dante. But he couldn't imagine a life without Lucius.

Before Lucius could leave the room, Raphael lunged towards him, reaching for his hand and forcing his steps to halt. "I said I'm done so let me go—"

"I love Dante, okay?" Raphael admitted, swallowing hard when he felt all of Lucius' muscles tense. "I love him as someone that I would never be able to let go. I love him as someone I want in my life, regardless of what has happened. I don't know how to explain it but he's just that person." When he felt Lucius attempt to pull away, he reached around his shoulders and held him in a tight embrace; he needed to finish his thought. "But he's not my soulmate. The way I love you is different Lucius. Yes Dante will be there, but he'll be my best man while you'll be my husband. That's the way I see it."

There was a long pause that settled, Raphael waiting for a response from Lucius, unable to predict if he had explained himself reasonably enough for Lucius not to leave him. However, he sighed when the only response Lucius had was, "Let me go."

"That's not fair, Lucius."

"What's not fair?" Lucius spat, growing furious at the comparison between him and Dante. "If you don't let me go in one second, I will use force."

Raphael instinctively released him. "It's not fair that you're mad at me over Dante when you never even told me that you love me back?" When he noticed Lucius' gaze widened, he stepped forward. "Not once did you ever say it back to me, not even when Wolf was taking me away. How the hell am I supposed to know that you're serious about me?"

"Because of everything I've fucking done for you, Raphael!" he retorted, aggressively stepping forward.

Raphael hesitated for a moment before pointing to himself. "T-Then...then say it back!"

"No!" Lucius growled.

"I need to hear it!" he continued to pressure.

"I fucking said no."

"Why not?!—"

"Because I can't love, Raphael." His tone had been harsh and Raphael was taken aback, needing a second to think if Lucius really meant it or if it was the anger speaking. It didn't help when Lucius added, "The truth is that I don't love you. Not because I don't want to but because I can't. I was taught not to love so I don't love anyone or anything and you're no exception." He saw the way Raphael's lips sealed; an excruciating sharpness lingered in his chest when he noticed the way Raphael's narrowed eyes softened, appearing much more round as his eyebrows raised in surprise.

Raphael sighed, his shaky breath heard. "Well I love you and I'll keep saying it. I'll wait for you." Lucius noticed how his bottom lip quivered very faintly, even though Raphael forced a smile.

Through the series of emotions he felt, the dominating one was rage as Dante's name returned in his mind. He wanted to lean forward and wrap his arms around Raphael, promising him that they would be alright. He even wanted to say that he did love him back, but the words were stuck at the end of his tongue. Nothing felt right, nothing felt honest and his brain was attempting to figure out which of his father's lesson had this ever existed in. That was when he realized it never did. His father hadn't prepared them for these moments where feelings was not only the problem but the only solution. It had nothing to do with strength and everything to do with sentiments and he wasn't equipped for this at all.

Thus, he stepped backwards away from Raphael. "It's over Raphael. You're on your own."

Raphael felt a sudden weight rest on his chest; the thought of Lucius leaving him frightened him to the point that he began panting without realizing it. The closer Lucius got to the door handle, the rougher was the pounding of his heart, terribly loud that he could hear every single beat trembling his eardrum. The only thought in his mind was to prevent him from leaving and he leaped forward to grab Lucius' hand. However, as mentioned before, Lucius' had a threshold where the anger was too much that he lost himself within it—that was one of those moments. The series of emotions had caused his mind to start spinning that he even forgot Raphael was present in the room.