#2 in TOXIC SERIES
"Strange isn't it?" She asked,
"What is?"
"How you can be desperately in love with someone even when you haven't spoken to or even seen them for years. I think it's incredible how despite the distance between two people, you'll ne...
Life with Murtasim Khan was going just okey dokey yo.
I was not feeling bad with myself nor was I happy. It was just me and him adjusting, fighting and understanding various different equations at the same time. Life doesn't always offer us what we want on our plate. It gives us the most terrific experiences of our life which become the lessons throughout. Sometimes the days are so lovely that even after thousand years they are still etched in one's heart
But when it came to my part it was extremely different, a groom I never willed to marry, a family i didn't want to stay with, a love which I never imagined this way, and most importantly a normal life which we can never have in with the Khan family.
Our Valima ended on a good note. Everyone in the village has some or the other thing to offer to the bride and groom. Blessings, sweets, dryfruits, dressings, and all the good stuff was served on our plate in order to make the event look more grand. Various skitts and dances took place in folk music. An evening to enjoy and get tired off.
Now when I think who I was to receive all this grand queen treatment. I was Khan's wife, the bride of the Khan family. But somewhere my heart knew that I was Meerab, the apple of her parents eye, the girl with big dreams and a small house in the village.
This mansion has everything, apart from the emotions the soiled floor of my house had during rains, people here have hearts but the heads work more as compared to my people who used to listen to their hearts too along with their heads, all types of rich food items are served on my plate here but the normal street icecream of just five rupees had the taste which can not be even compared to the taste of the most expensive rich delicious food made by the official expertise cooks in the palace. Expensive quilt and rich big king sized beds but no where compared to the nights I had spent on terrace gazing at stars in just one chadar spread on the terrace floor.
All these differences in my life make me believe that changes happen in our lives but sometimes are too big for you to even digest. This life, this richness, this family, this status everything makes me believe that in spite of everything there's still a void in my heart. My heart lacks true love, the touch of soil, the feel of rain drops on my skin, my mother's lap, my father's banters, my tattered roof, my peace, my sanity. This richness questions my own self.
Was I happy? Was this the things which were originally made for me. The sudden and certain big amount of change has somehow shaken me from inside, was there something more to this? Will I be able to handle all that? Are changes this big good for my future? Am I happy with all this?
"You can never be happy and content"
I heard someone behind. The one person who was behind me since I came to this mansion was hareem. Without even noticing i knew that it was her. No other woman can be like this. Meanie!
"Think of the devil and the devil comes..oops churail"
And I started laughing at her poker face.
"These laughs wouldn't last long Meerab. Because of you I am having these sleepless lonely nights. And I swear your day will come very soon. You will have to suffer the way I did. One can't find peace when they make others live in discomfort" she snapped
"First of all I want to clarify just one thing to you Hareem, I have no interest in you. Your sleepless nights, depressed days all are the results of the daydreams you had since a child. We don't write our fate Hareem, it's already written. It's the ego of one's own to think this way that ohh this is happening because of me. No Hareem...it's him...Allah who writes our fate. He decides things for us we don't" I looked at her
"Preaching, preaching and preaching is what all you have. And time is something I don't want to waste on your preachings. Why don't you just file a divorce with Murtasim? I don't think you wanted this life which Allah wrote for you" She smirked at me
"It's not about divorce from Murtasim. It's about my will to never marry him. Had I been this influential, this powerful I would have never happened to be here. It was me who decided to quit because my parents and their pride was at stake. The Khan you always dreamt of marrying who is your hero, isn't less than a villain to me. He snatched away the life I could have had. He gave me the life I never expected. And you know what I don't know what else I will have to go through because of your Khan" I replied back.
"You know what Meerab, I don't want to know anything anymore. Your past your story, your sadness and deep talks, all I see is you and Murtasim and it's making my heart ache like anything." She said with a crying face and left my room stamping her feet.
What a life, someone is crying for someone, and someone is crying for what they have got. Two women one man? Whom to question Allah? This is all done by you right? But what was the need. You tied me to a relationship which I never wanted and you took away something Hareem used to cherish. I mean what sort of story are you willing to write about.
I hope this story has no sad endings? I hate it you know that Allah. Either you make me happy alone or make them happy I don't want anyone amongst us to suffer.
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
"You look tired Meerab? Are you upset over something?" It was him now.
Oh my god these cousins.
"Marrying and being with you in this nikaah isn't it enough for making me unhappy" I looked at him while rolling my eyes.
Sometimes people know that they hurt the other person or are the reason for the others persons sad days but still have the guts to ask.
"Isn't it an old topic now. Don't you think we should move on from this topic of unwanted nikaah, loveless marriage. I think marriage and love go side by side. It's okay we didn't have any...but I am trying can't you?" And he looked at me.
I just squirmed at my place. What was he even upto?
Why did he wish that we can even have a chance?
"You want a chance? In this ?" And somehow I uttered these words out.
"Yes I did..and why shouldn't we think about it. I think we should think about all this. I don't care about Meerab but I want you to feel the love I have for you in my heart, the care with which I look at you, I want you to know that in spite of all these marriage scenarios and whatever you think about me, I still crave for you. Your attention and your love equally. And I am not lying. We can atleast try Meerab" He looked at me with puppy eyes
"Since when being in love was a decision wasn't it something that happened on its own. I don't know much Murtasim. But I think you and me it's a very complicated and different thing. But I can still think about it. I don't know what to say more in this context but let it be for tonight." I looked at him
He nodded. He took his pillow kept on the sofa and slept soundly within the next few minutes
But what about me?
Was I going to have another lonely night!?
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