To My Future Cheating Husband

LXVI. Palmistry

One step after another, I cautiously made my way towards the bed. The closer I got, the heavier my chest became. The light beeps on the monitor tell me everything is okay, but my brain hasn't grasped the situation.

I settled onto the warm chair and hesitantly, I held his hand.

It's warm.

I place his hand on my cheeks and allow the tears to finally sink.

"I'm sorry," I cried out, "I'm sorry. I should've just left you alone. I'm so sorry."

I remember the first day I returned to school, and how desperate I was to avoid my future. But when I met Eli and for that brief moment, I forgot about the nightmare. He gave me hope that I could have something; something normal.

To get the future I wanted, I took away his.

"Please forget about me," I said. "Please forget about me and move on. Meet that girl, love her, and have a happy family. Because if you stay with me, you'll only be unhappy." I buried my face into the blankets, "I make everyone around me sad."

"That's not true."

I look back to see Trevon with two water bottles. "That's not true," he repeated.

I closed my eyes and another rush of emotions crashed into me. "It is."

Trevon places the water bottles on the counter and hugs me, "That's not true."

I held onto Trevon tightly and cried.

He pats my back and assures me that everything I said, everything I felt at the moment, wasn't true. How I'm a good person and how what happened is another bump on the road. How everything will be okay again.

For the next two hours, I had my head on the bed beside Eli. My hand was on top of his warm one. I ran my finger down the lines and counted it. "One...Two-"

I remember asking Eli why he kept counting the number of lines on my palms. He told me it was an excuse to read my palm. Palm reading or palmistry is a way of seeing a person's fate and personality.

I thought it was silly, like astrology.

Eli said there are five main lines on the palm: the life line, heart line, money line (fate line), head line, and marriage line.

I ran my finger down his life line.

His palm shakes lightly and I sit up to see his eyes moving. Quickly, I removed myself from the room and asked his parents to pretend I wasn't there.

Outside of the hospital, Trevon was on the stairs. The double door slides open and he tilts his head. He smiles, "Ready to go?"

I look at the building behind me. His hospital room lights are on. He must be awake. "Yeah."

The car ride home was a quiet one. I pressed my forehead against the glass window. Without awareness of the road or the stars, the car moved over the highway, lights on low beam. I watched how the trees passed by in an almost blurry motion. This was my time to let my brain de-stressed but it didn't.

Halfway home, Trevon disrupted the silence: "Have you ever thought of telling him?"

"Telling him?"

"The truth." His fingers gripped onto the wheel, "How you're from the future and stuff."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I'm not going to ruin his future."

"Being with you isn't going to ruin his future," Trevon says.

"You know I can't have kids."

"The doctor said there's a low chance," he clarified, "That doesnt mean you can't have kids."

"I know." I look at Trevon, "I know."

"And so what?" Trevon threw a hand in the air, "So what if you can't have kids? Adopt some! Take a kid off the street!"

"And what about Eli's kids?" I asked.

"This may sound horrible," he said. "But, they don't exist. You're talking about children who don't exist!"

"Then, what about his wife?"

"You're talking about a girl who doesn't even exist in our lives. Eli doesn't know her. She doesn't know Eli. He won't miss a person he never met."

"Her dad is Eli's heart donor."

The heated debate sizzle and the silence drop. I exhaled a shaky breath, "He needs to go to Cleveland," I said. "He needs to go over there and get better."

Trevon stayed quiet until we got to the driveway. I unbuttoned the seal belt and grabbed the door handle.

"I knew," Trevon says.

I turn my attention to him.

"I knew that Eli liked you for a very long time." His head drops, "When you lost your memory. I was so happy because I thought, now she can't steal my best friend anymore."

Why is he doing this now?

Trevon looked at me, "But, whenever I see you two together, there's a part of me that wished you never lost your memory. That way, you two can be happy together."

Guilt?

"But, when I...I found about this future-" his shaky hands clasp together, "I realize...that maybe, I should've invited you out more. That way...you two can- but I was this idiot who wanted to keep his friends to himself and because of that you-"

"It's not your fault," I told him, "So, don't think that way, okay?"

Trevon's head falls further down and the tears sink into his jean.

I reach for his hand, but he withdraws it, "I just...need some time...alone."

"Okay." I open the car door and step outside. The air was warmer than any other night and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. When the front lights flicker on, my body falls onto the porch swing.

This is it.

This is why I didn't want to tell Eli.

Because if he knew what happened to us in the future, he'd blame himself. He'd blame himself for not taking that step.

And thinking of possibilities.

What could've happened if...

What would've happened if...

What should've happened if...

But, those are all ifs, and those ifs will only burden those who know.

So, no, I won't allow it.