Without You

Chapter 8

"I said get up." Jungkook continues. I reach my hand towards the small pocket of my bag, and sneakily grab my lighter. I quickly through my hands near my side and get up. I look at Jungkook, tears forming in my eyes. Then, I run to the bathroom and lock myself up in a stall.

No one was in there, but if there was someone, they could hear me weep. I turned on the lighter and held it under my left arm. I slowly brought the flame closer to my arm. Closer. Closer. Closer. My skin feeling hotter. Hotter. Hotter. Pain. More pain. I felt like screaming, from both the pain from the fire, and from Jungkook.

I move the fire to another spot on my arm. Then another. Then another. Burning every single part of my arm.

I finish. I get up. I walk out the stall and luckily no one was in the bathroom. I look at the mirror and see the monster I have became. My make-up was running. My eyes are puffed up with red. I started breaking down, seeing how much of a mess I became. And then, the door opens. Someone was coming in.

I quickly wiped my tears and ran out the bathroom, pushing the girl away. I ran towards the school gates and everyone was looking at me. I was covering my face with my arm so they can't see my tears, but you can hear me sobbing as I ran.

I got out the school and ran all the way home.

When I got home, I saw my dad sitting on the couch. His face was burring in his hands. He wasn't crying, he was sighing. But he looks up at me when I close the door.

"Honey, what happened?" He says. He stands up and walks over to me, giving me a hug. I don't answer him. I just start crying into his chest.

He rubs my back and combs my hair with his fingers. He brings me over to the couch and continues hugging me.

"Shh." He says.

"What's wrong?" He says. I shake my head. It will sound stupid to him. He doesn't ask anymore and continues comforting me.

***

A few hours later, after I calmed down, my mom and dad sat together with me in the living room. They gave me a decision to make.

Live with Dad.

Live with Mom.

I told them to give me time to think about it. They both nod and Dad says that I have exactly a week to think about it. They're already signing papers and going to court for the divorce. In about a week, Dad's keeping this house and Mom's moving out. I have to choose who to go with.

I stay in my room, sitting on my bed feeling very numb. I can't even feel sad. Jungkook. My parents divorce. Choosing who to live with. It's all too much. And now the school is probably laughing at me for having the "bad boy" pick on me.

Jungkook knows what I'm going through. Jungkook knows that I burn myself. Why is he acting so rude to me? Why did he suddenly change? I thought I liked him. I actually wanted to become a close friend with him. But no, I hate him. I sadly still hate him.

He was so nice to me. That kiss on the cheek made me believe that he changed. It made me believe that he actually has a soft spot in his heart. When he told me about his sister, it made me believe that he wanted me to feel better. He gave me his sister's sketchbook when I ran out of paper in mine. He gave me money when I used all mine to pay for his food. He threw away my lighter, hoping I'd never hurt myself again. He made me believe that he was actually nice. I guess not. Bad guys will always be bad.

I have to be stuck with him all year for art. I'm going to have to go over to his house just to work on projects, but it won't be the same. He's acting like that towards me for who knows why. I don't know how it'll be, working with him if he won't even talk to me normally.

***

I ditch art class this time. I'm sitting down on the grass, hugging my knees close to my chest. No one's around. It's perfect. Quiet.

I lift up my sleeve and stare at the burn marks on my arm. It's dark. It hurts when you touch it. But I don't mind it. I missed this pain.

The school bell rings and I stand up, fixing my skirt. Fixing my whole uniform actually. I reach into my bag to take out my phone and earphones, but someone quickly grabs both my wrists. I wince from the pain and bite my bottom lip.

I look up to see Jungkook. My eyes started to tear up and I bit down harder on my lip, because he gripped onto my wrists harder.

"JiYoon." He says. It sounded scary. I try to pull my wrists out of his grip but he held onto it tighter. It hurt and I winced louder and started to scream and freak out.

"Let go of me!" I shout at him, still trying to pull away. My eyes are closed and he's shaking my wrists.

"JiYoon!" He shouts. I shake my head and start sobbing. The pain was too much to bear.

"Kookie, what's going on?" I hear what I think is TaeHyung. Jungkook's tone in his voice changed completely.

"JiYoon! Because of you my sister is angry at me!" He shouts at me, pushing me, making me walk backwards. My back hits a wall and I cry even harder.

"Please let me go!" I keep shouting. I hate it. Everyone who is probably watching right now would think I'm crying because I'm scared of Jungkook, but that's not it. He's gripping onto the spots where I burned myself. His nails are even digging into my skin.

"Please." I beg him, looking at him. His eyes widened a bit, but quickly went back to normal. He pins my arms against the wall, and I wince more from the pain. I look around and I see people watching us. I look at TaeHyung and he's staring at me, and then looks at Jungkook.

I kept freaking out. I'm in so much pain. I'm breathing too hard. I'm crying too much. I'm freaking out more than I should be. My head started to hurt. I can hear Jungkook breathing heavily. I look at him and I calm down. My breathing slowed down. My vision goes to a blur. I fell down to the floor. I fainted.