I wasn't really a Christian, In fact My family are Buddhist. I was into new age, spirituality, Tarot card, Palmistry, astrology, Feng Shui, and Quantum Physic.
I ended up getting into bible study group. Why? I have no idea, to buy time, perhaps. Maybe I'm just curious, or lonely.
The most distinctive feelings In the bible study group that I have received is, feeling unaccepted. Feeling different and invalidated.
Occasionally There's indirect jab, or throwing shades here and there about my believe system. I felt insulted often. Nevertheless I stayed in the bible study group.
Shortly after, I found myself wanting to be accepted and wanting to prove my worth. I felt like I have to prove them that I am a good person, simply because I have different believe system than them. Then I found myself frustrated as if, I am inferior to the rest of the member simply because of my identity.
The cursing, the throwing shades, the threatens, made me finally bid them goodbye. The passive aggressive verbal assault to pressure you into submitting into their believe system. They are forcing you into conformity and anything that challenge their truth/ their authority would be attacked and condoned and condemned and cursed.
Truthfully, I am not the only person that was invited and persuaded to join the bible study group. There's other girls too, but they only tried once, and realized instantly that this thing are not meant for them. WHY do I continue going to this bible study class when I know I don't belong. When they keep verbally, passive aggressively attacking my identity?
That was the moment I realized that it took me longer to realized when certain people, or certain treatment are not healthy for me.
