Brightwin- Between Us

VI.The Wreck

Disappointment is a part of life. At every point of life, you either accomplish in getting what you desired for or you get a sense of disappointment due to the failure you feel if something doesn't go the way you wanted to. But why do we feel this disappointment?

Its because of the expectations we keep from the universe, from the people around us that when they disappoint us, we feel so gutted, so heart broken that you wish you never have to face it ever again. You learn to shut down and not expect anything from anyone. Because when your wishes, your dreams fall at your feet in a crumpled mess of nothing, there is no worse feeling than that.

I stand there still watching the door through which Win just walked out. Maybe he was just overwhelmed, maybe he just needed sometime to process all of this. This is a thing which could change the courses of our lives. Of course he needs some time to come to the terms of all of it.

So I stand there waiting for him to come back and make it all okay. Make everything better. He would come, wouldn't he? He wouldn't leave me here all alone. He knows I need him. I need him more than anyone. He will come. I know it.

I wait there in the room sitting in front of window which is facing a beautiful beach. I watch as the waves comes and washes away the footprints of people little by little. I look towards the sky and see heavy clouds forming indicating that it's going to rain soon. That's a good sign right? Raining. I don't even know what I am doing anymore.

Suddenly, I hear the creaking of the door and look towards it eagerly. I knew he would come. I knew it. I scold the small part of my heart who doubted him. I move towards the door to meet him halfway. But as I reach near to the door, my manager meets my eye. My hopes come crashing down as she says,

'He left'. No no no that's possible. He wouldn't do something so cruel. He wouldn't. I know him. I shake my head aggressively and look towards her accusingly. 'He left, Bright. Its been three hours. I gave you time-

I drown out rest of her words as I hear three hours. I have been sitting here for three hours. I was so sure he would come, I didn't even keep track of time. Has it really been three hours? He left and didn't come back.

As the realisation settles heavily in my gut, my knees give out under me. I fall on the floor defeated, helpless and so fucking tired. Salty tears pour down my face in a constant stream, as I reel with the fact that he is gone. I lost him. How will I even survive without him?

He is the only person I have learnt to be dependent on, rely on, count on. I don't easily let people in but when I do, I do it unconditionally. I feel too much at once. If I am happy, I am too much happy, if I am sad, I am sad a lot too and when I love, I don't keep my heart in reserve. And this is my biggest weakness.

I bare myself to the extent that it gets easy to hit me where it hurts the most. I know it. It is for this reason only, I take my time before letting someone become a part of my life. I thought Win was different. But I guess disappointment in inevitable. Be it your family, be it your friends.

I don't know how much time passes as I sit there lost in thoughts. I have lost all the fight in me. The tears on my face have all dried up and I have don't have any left in me. I just want to go home and curl up in my mother's protective warmth.

I stand up shakily and make my way towards my car. My staff looks at sympathetically but I avert my gaze from them. How pathetic is that? You crying your heart out and your staff looking at you when you are in your most vulnerable state.

I reach my car and ask the driver to make the way to the only place I know I can find comfort in. I settle myself in the backseat, pull down the window, rest my head on headrest and close my eyes. As I feel the cool, refreshing air hitting my face, I feel a semblance of calmness. I try to not think about today's events and just calm my mind. Because I know I would lose it all over again, if I keep thinking about it.

'We have reached, Sir'. My driver says and I finally open my eyes. I thank him and make my way towards the front gate. I try to wipe away any trace of emotion from my face that might land me in a series of questions. I just wanna sleep and forget all about today's events.

As the door slowly opens, suddenly arms are thrown around me in a tight hug and I waste no time in responding back. She must have got to know what happened today. In the safety of my mother's embrace, once again my shoulders start shaking as I cry heavily.

I know she won't judge so I don't hold myself back. I cry in her lap for I don't know how long. I cry until I have nothing more left in me to give out. She just holds me and let me get it all out. She gently run her fingers through my scalp and massages my head to soothe the headache forming. It instantly works. She is my safe space. I can be wholly myself in front her. This is what a person needs after a stressful day, the solace that only a mother can provide you with. But even after trying my best to forget all about it, a question still lingers in my mind.

'Mom, am I not enough? Am I annoying? Am I-

'What are you talking about? You are perfect. Anyone would be so lucky to have you in their lives, Bright. Maybe he just doesn't realize it. And it's okay. If he is meant to be in your life, the universe will send him back to you. Don't worry about that. Just worry about yourself right now. I can't see you like this. It's so heartbreaking to see your child breaking down like this.' She croaks out and my heart breaks. I don't want to cause her any pain. I need to get my shit together even if it means pretending to be okay even though I know I am far from it.

This chapter of my life is over. The chapter pertaining Win is over. It was a roller coaster ride with several emotions woven in a beautiful garland but now the flowers are all scattered over, trampled under his feet.

Don't forget to vote guys. And one more thing, do you find Win's reaction unreasonable? Do let me know.