In Love With Your Insecurities

Chapter 2

     Zara

After finishing my breakfast with my family which was apparently very peaceful , yeah note the sarcastic tone .
So much peaceful that it ruined my whole mood .

Now as it's Sunday so like every week today also I am going to the library . 

Well I am obsessed with books specially romantic books . They give me a sense of peace and help me to escape from the reality .

I love fictional men and in other words l am crazy about  them .

Well I should stop because if I start ranting about my love for books then today will not be enough .

After heading upstairs , I entered my room and closed the door . I couldn't help but to look at the mirror .

It's a mistake that I always do even after knowing that I have Eisoptrophobia , a phobia or you can say a fear of looking at mirrors .

Because whenever I look at mirror I could only see a fat girl with fat arms , thick thighs , a fat tummy with a broad back which is accompanied with love handles not only that I have a good for nothing double chinned plump face .

I try every single day to love myself and my body but at the end of the day whenever  I look at the mirror , my insecurities come back .

I tried to take therapy also but nothing worked .

At the end whenever I looked at the mirror I judged myself and felt and is still feeling suffocated and as a result my anxiety rises .

This is why I never change infront of the mirror .

If I say honestly then even if I mange to ignore looking at mirror whole day still at the end of the day someone will judge me and make me remember about my fat body .

When my brothers tease me by calling moti ( fatty ) I never feel sad or depressed as I can always see playfulness and love in their eyes but when other say these things I can only see a pair of judgemental eyes filled with mocks and disgust .

This make me feel sick , sad , depressed and my anxiety rises . Shit ! I should stop overthinking and get ready .

After getting ready in a oversized top and jeans I headed downstairs and bidded bye to everyone .

While I was taking my cycle I was encountered by an unwanted comment by a neighborhood aunty " Zara dear you are getting more fat do something to loose your weight . Don't think that I am mocking you . You are like my daughter " .

Though her words hitted me like a bullet still I ignored her and was about to go that time I heard Rajveer saying
" Why are you getting bothered on her weight ? She is eating on her father's money not yours " as soon as stopped Jaiveer popped out and said " We already have mother so you don't have to think of her like your daughter " " Moreover I think before claiming any other person as your daughter you should take care of youi daughter , she is skinny right still no one marry her because only a fool wants a gold digger " Rajveer sassily commented again . I saw the neighborhood aunty quickly going inside the house feeling embarrassed .

I couldn't control my smile and unfortunately and accidentally said I love you to them and as expected I got disgusted face in return .

I shook my head while chuckling and proceeded going towards the library .

I reached their and eloped from the reality to an imaginary world of books  where a man can love  my real self without judging me .

Alas ! It's possible in the imaginary world of books only .

Author

Here in India Zara was facing everyday drama in her life and thinking that no one would love her unaware of the fact that in Russia there is already a man who utterly in love and obssesed with her .

That person is not a local native of Russia as he himself is the Mafia King and No . 1 buisness man of Russia .

It's none other than Lucifer Vasiliev , the top Russian business man and Mafia King .

There will be Lucifer's entry in the next chapter
From the next chapter all the chapters will be long

To be continued