STARGIRL, bellamy blake

54

She wasn't sure where they stood, but she knew he was just as confused as she was. Were they supposed to return to what they were before she broke his heart? There was so much they needed to properly speak about, but it was not going to be an easy conversation. Though, Astoria wasn't sure she'd be able to keep a distance between them any longer. She was going to die soon, and every day that past had her feeling worse and weaker. She just wanted to spend the rest of her time on Earth with those that she loved.

Hopefully, he would feel the same. For the past four days they hadn't spoken privately, but surely that was because they were both so busy—not to mention the child that has been hanging off her arm. They weren't ignoring each other purposely, were they? That kind of pettiness wasn't something Bellamy would do, and he was never nervous about speaking his mind to her previously. Normally, she was the one who pulled back from sharing her feelings.

When she reached his room, she shook her arms and her sweater dropped over her hands. Strangely, having most of herself covered made her feel safer. Apart from the books and her friends, Astoria liked the clothes from the Sky People most.

She huffed and forced herself to focus, but it took another minute before she worked up the courage to knock on Bellamy's door. Once her knuckles rapped over the metal she took a step back, and suddenly felt horribly foolish.

She was coming to his room with red eyes and puffy cheeks to ask him for comfort after a nightmare? What was she thinking?

She would have turned and quickly rushed back to her room—to grab a book and a flashlight to spend the rest of the night atop the Ark or in a tree just outside the walls—but before she could move her feet the door was opening, and Bellamy was squinting at the light that came from the hall. He rubbed his tired eyes and tilted his head slightly at the sight of her. He looked exhausted—even more so than she did. His torso was bare, and it was clear he had thrown on the first pair of pants he found in the dark from the way he was still buttoning them up. His eyes had trouble adjusting to the light in a way that would have made Astoria smile if she didn't feel so guilty.

Of course, he was sleeping. It must have been close to four in the morning.

She wasn't prone to disturbing others' sleep, despite how often Bellamy had told her to wake him up if she ever needed him. He grew panicked when he saw the frown tugging on her lips, and he copied the expression when he saw her glossy cheeks.

"What happened?" he questioned quickly, almost worried that someone had hurt her. It nearly sounded like a demand, but he contrasted the harshness in his tone when he took steps into the hall and took Astoria into his arms. He expected her to yank free.

Instead, she leaned her head against his bare chest and began to listen to his heartbeat. He was just down the hall, but somehow, she still missed him. They saw one another every day, but they were holding back from acting how they truly wanted to around one another. After Pike, after he found out she had been lying to him, and everything that happened with ALIE and the chips... they weren't the same. Nothing was the same.

Still, it almost felt impossible to feel anything but love for him. There was no one in Arkadia, or any sector they had mapped out, or anywhere hidden in the stars, that calmed her racing heart the way Bellamy could. No one could make her feel the way Bellamy did.

It was terrifying; realising that her home wasn't Arkadia, or the trees, or her village. Her home was him.

"The nightmares are back," she finally whispered, and for once her voice was small and fragile.

He was the only person she allowed to see her so vulnerable. She never allowed herself to break and crumble when anyone else was present. Still, it had been a while since she came to him sounding so helpless.