✮ Her head wished she had went on thinking he was an infuriating, overly-confident, horribly handsome asshole, that hated her people and always put himself first. Her heart knew he wasn't any of those things. He was a celestial; a man plucked from t...
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"In the minds of my parents, they are the victims; I am the abuser."
—Christina Enevoldsen
Death was always going to be difficult, and it always had been. Astoria knew that. When her mother died, it felt like her world wasn't meant to keep moving forward; when Wells and Charlotte died, they reminded her that no matter how hard she tried she'd never be able to shield her friends from death; and when Costia died it was as though the last good part of her soul had been sucked forever into the darkness.
Still, somehow, Finn's death hurt worse than any of them. Perhaps it was because she had known it was coming, and still remained helpless in stopping it, or because it should have been her instead. It could have been the sight of how broken Raven seemed, or the knowledge that with his death she was given the thing she had been longing for since she was nine. She was free.
She hadn't expected the commander to be true to her promise of pardoning the horrible Fragheda, but when Astoria arrived within the small group of people going to Tondc, Lexa kom Trikru had only given her a small nod. She was pardoned, and despite the looks her people gave her as she sat atop the wagon that held Raven and Finn's corpse, Astoria had nothing to fear from the grounders.
She had argued with Bellamy when he told her to ride alongside Raven for at least half of the journey, but after an hour of walking her leg started to burn and she gave in. It was frustrating, and as she watched Bellamy and Clarke speak from a few feet behind the wagon she frowned. She needed to be apart of their conversation—she needed to do whatever it took to get the hundred out of the mountain. She had no idea what the plan was, or if they even had one, and it was starting to grow unbearable.
Raven hadn't spoken a word to her, and Astoria hadn't tried to change that. Neither had anything to say; they were engulfed in grief and didn't enjoy the idea of Finn burning in Tondc instead of getting a sky person's burial. But Astoria knew it was necessary. They needed the grounder army to help get their people out of Mount Weather, whether she liked it or not.
With a huff she unscrewed the canister of water in her lap and took a long sip, finding her throat sore and dry. She hadn't been taking care of herself at all in the past days, and Abby had noticed. She scolded her for how little her wounds had been able to heal, but Astoria only shrugged it off. There was no time to rest.
Bellamy said one last thing to Clarke before jogging to catch up with the wagon, meeting Astoria's eyes silently as she brought the bottle down from her lips. They hadn't properly spoken since Finn's death only hours before, but neither had much to say. "You alright?" Bellamy settled on, and Astoria nodded her head.
"You don't have to worry about me," she assured, but Bellamy didn't relax. "The kill order has been lifted from my head. My people may still hate me, but they no longer can harm me without consequence."
