Vonaias Aleanvalsa

The Tavern Incident

The meal had been magnificently magnificent. Vonaias Aleanvalsa and Urbin Goldensoul had demolished a mountain of beef, pork, mutton, raw mutton, chicken legs and wings, fried poo-poo, cheeseburgers, chicken nuggets and other delicious things, and they had downed an ocean of mead and ale. 

Vonaias was sitting comfortably on the nicest chair in the entire tavern, feet propped up on the table, a toothpick in his mouth. His companion, Urbin was sitting properly, hands on the table, nursing a mug of rum and feeling super satisfied with the meal. 

"Are you paying for the meal, or what?" asked Urbin. 

Vonaias looked at his friend out of the corner of his eye. He didn't seem excited about answering the question. In fact, it looked like he wanted to stay quiet forever, being a rogue and excellent at sneaking about, talking was not his favorite thing. 

Urbin gave him a look that felt like a punch. Something. At this, Vonaias sighed, set his feet back on the ground and rested his elbows on his knees. 

"I don't have money," he replied simply. 

Urbin frowned. "What do you mean, you don't have money? You were carrying our gold!"

"Uh... yeah. About that. Last night, while you were sleeping, I found a casino down the road."

"You found a casino... in the middle of the wood!?" said Urbin, shocked. 

"Of course," said Vonaias. "It was fun."

Urbin closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was a halfling, not very tall for a halfling either, but he was strong and very knight-like. He pinched the bridge of his nose and began to growl. 

"You... lost all our money?" he asked quietly, dangerously low. 

Vonaias shrugged, uninterestedly. "Yah, sorry bruv."

Suddenly, the tavern owner came over to their table. He was a rather large dwarf, with a blond bushy beard that covered his entire jawline, and tiny bits of what looked like chocolate bits sprinkled across it. He was wearing an unflattering green shirt that made him look fatter than he was. 

He approached them aggressively, arms swinging at his sides, hands balled into fists. 

"Have I heard right?" he boomed across the room, "That you have no money to pay for the biggest meal I have prepared in the last decade?!" 

Urbin Goldensoul broke into an apologetic smile. "Apologies, good sir," he began. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Urbin Goldensoul. I am a paladin of Anubis, at your service. My friend here," he gestured at Vonaias, who was halfway through a massive yawn, "is Vonaias Aleanvalsa. And may I just say, your establishment is one of the finest we have ever been to!" 

Vonaias continued to yawn, his eyes red-rimmed with sleep. 

The owner narrowed his eyes. "Are you going to pay, or not?" he asked, menacingly. 

Urbin smiled again. "If I may, I was hoping we could come into some form of arrangement? For instance, would you happen to have any undead you need dealing with? As a paladin of Anubis, I am an expert at vanishing the undead!" 

The tavern owner growled, unamused. "That's 25 gold pieces you owe me!" 

Urbin chuckled rather awkwardly. "That's eh... quite a hefty tab. You... uh... serve imported food here, I believe? Tell you what, good sir, would you be willing to trade? Is there anything at all you need doing around the tavern? My friend, Vonaias Aleanevalsa and myself would be more than happy to--"

"Can you clean?" the tavern owner asked, speaking over Urbin. 

Urbin looked uncomfortable. He made a grimace like he had never heard anything more unpleasant than that, but he also knew there was very little else they could do to get out of this situation. He did not want to fight. He did not want to do anything but sleep, but Vonaias had given them no choice. 

"Y-yes, we can clean," he replied, scratching his head. 

"And scrub the pots, clean the latrines, sweep the chimneys, feed the animals, fix the roof, take up the cooking, do the laundry..." the tavern owner continued. 

Urbin's eyes grew wide at the list of things they were expected to do, and he glanced sideways at  Vonaias, who didn't seem to be paying attention. 

"Sorry, I gotta go," Vonaias interjected all of a sudden, and he made a move to stand up. 

The tavern owner was not taller than Vonaias, but he still planted his feet in front of the elf and pushed him back down on the chair. 

That was a mistake. 

Everyone, roll for initiative. 

"We're not paying you," said Vonaias, standing up, towering over the dwarf tavern owner, looking as intimidating as he could. Being a rogue meant he brought his weapons everywhere he went, and he knew how to hide them from view. Presently, he closed his hand around his rapier's handle and attempted to push past the tavern owner towards the door. 

The tavern owner then pulled a baseball bat out of nowhere, and took a swing at the back of Vonaias's head as he attempted to walk away from him. 

"Oh, no you don't!" yelled the tavern owner. 

But Vonaias had been quicker. He turned just as the blow was about to land on the back of his head, and stopped the bat in mid-air with his bare hand. 

All of a sudden, three or four men stood up from the surrounding tables, looking menacing and glaring daggers at both Vonaias and Urbin, who remained sitting down with his face in his hand, shaking his head at the coming fight. 

"Pay, or die," said the tavern owner, his voice loud and clear. It was something like a cue for the other men around them to pick up their own weapons: knives, hammers, scythes, darts, and point them directly at Vonaias's throat. 

Vonaias arched an eyebrow. "Die," he replied with a smirk and ran the tavern owner through with his rapier. 

Gasps were heard around as the tavern owner collapsed to his knees, blood spurting out of his mouth. "Kill them!" he yelled with his last breath. 

But the men never made it into the fight. Vonaias pulled his heavy crossbow and reloaded it as quick as a fart. He shot one of the men in the heart, then he did a flip over a table and slashed at another one with his rapier. 

Blood spewed out of the deep, fresh gashes he made on the men's faces and chests. 

Two more men stepped forward, weapons raised. Vonaias turned, holding his rapier in one hand and his heavy crossbow in the other. He was about to stab them when suddenly, the men toppled over, dead. As they landed on the floor, Vonaias spotted the two small daggers sprouting out of the men's backs. 

"Urbin!" Vonaias yelled, annoyed. "These were mine to kill!" 

Urbin shrugged. "Payback, for spending all my money in the casino."

Vonaias snorted and rolled his eyes. "Fine. We're even, then."

And as they walked over the dead bodies of the men and the tavern owner, they decided they would take some food to go, and continue on their trip. For Vonaias and Urbin had a destination they needed to get to, and it was still far, and the road was still full of perils ahead.