The Shadow That Smiled At Me

Chapter fourteen

We sat in a beautiful dining room at a long mahogany table. Above it hung three smaller, but still equally magnificent, crystal chandeliers. Moonlight filtered in from tall windows on both sides of the room. The table was richly laid. Various delicious dishes occupied my sense of smell and sight. Samael sat on one side of the high table, I on the other. We looked at each other, were silent.

"And what is so solemn today, dear Samael?" I cut the silence between us. "Are you trying to impress me?"

Samael gave me a mischievous smile. "I don't even have to, dear Arya," he said. "You can't get me out of your head even without that."

I widened my eyes in shock. "Don't imagine, dear Samael. You place yourself more value in my life than you have." I said with a nonchalant tone, at least I tried to make it sound that way.

"As far as I know, you turned down that boy from the Halloween party because of me," he gave me a victorious look.

He got me. "Your words, not mine." He took a sip from his glass of wine.

"Didn't anyone teach you that eavesdropping on someone else's conversation is rude, dear Samael?"

"I can do what I want, Arya dear," he said. "The advantage of my being."

"Of course, last night was proof of that," I said.

"And now you'll say it was impermissible."

I laughed. "Yes, it was unacceptable," I admitted. "But the problem is that I really had fun," I admitted.

"You were finally yourself—"

"I'm always myself with you, dear Samael." I jumped into his speech. "It's too late to pretend, don't you think?"

"Yes, but you are fighting. I see it. You are fighting with yourself. Even at this moment." he said looking into the bowels of my soul.

"You can never understand that."

Suddenly, something stuck in me. He was getting dangerously close to what was still tearing me apart inside, the wound that was still bleeding openly. I didn't want to talk about it. Thousands of faces, one for every person I've ever met. And there I stand; lost among all the masks I've created, not knowing which of the fake skins is my real one. They were supposed to protect me, but he managed to get over that wall. He was not stopped by a forest full of ghosts.

"Then explain the mystery to me, dear Arya." I heard a hint of amusement in his voice. It's not funny.

"I live between two worlds, dear Samael, and these worlds do not know the balance between them," I told him slightly irritated. "It's easy for you. You live here; observe the happenings in the world of people from the shadows. I'm teetering on the edge of insanity. And I honestly think you know more about my presence here than you're letting on."

That's when Samael appeared right next to me. He was leaning towards me, trapping me with his body. Something new, unknown to me, and wild was reflected in his eyes - I saw fire in them. I suddenly felt so small and vulnerable under the heat of his gaze. My heart was pounding in my throat; each beat was so strong that it shook my whole body. I held my breath.

"I have no reason to lie to you, Arya. But I have a feeling you're hiding something, and that's why you fell from grace and ended up damned."

I looked away. I was afraid that a second longer and he would figure it out. He will reveal my secret. I slipped away from him and started to leave. I couldn't stand it anymore. Samael didn't try to stop me, but I felt his gaze on my back.

I stopped in the doorway and turned back to him. "Remember how you told me that if I want to get out of here, I have to organize it in my head because it's my inner voice that's pulling me here? You were wrong. I would simply tame my mind; I have been doing it for years. My heart is fighting. And the worst part is that you became part of the dispute. That's why it's all complicated, dear Samael. I know one thing and feel another."

⸸

I woke up.

I woke up torn to pieces.