Selfish Appetite [5 Seconds of Summer]

[32]

"Unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after, pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."

- -

Sloan

A few months prior to his death, I caught my father reading in his study one afternoon. I quickly became curious, as I was for all things in print. 

I was thirteen at the time, dabbling with writing my own creations- he found that endearing and was quite supportive. When he died, my inspiration dissipated. 

He showed me the cover, he was reading "Miss Brill"  by Katherine Mansfield. 

Almost the entire story takes place on a bench, as Miss Brill sits and observes what's happening around her, with an amount of curiosity that I think characterizes me very well.

I was too young to appreciate the brilliance of the short story, when my dad introduced me to it. A few years later, after his death, I was going through some boxes from the move and came across a crumbled piece of paper below some heavy books. 

I picked it up and straightened it, realizing with a trembling heart what it was.

Upon reading it again, after having gained a significant amount of experiences, I was instilled with a sense of awe and excitement. Mansfield' writing is so beautiful and so heartbreaking, no wonder Miss Brill is considered a literary archetype.

/

"Okay, who the fuck is Miss Brill again?" Michael asks drunkenly, making me roll my eyes.  

"Maybe dial down the Jag, dipshit." Ally tells him with a shake of her head.  

"It's a character from a short story by a Katherine something." Ashton joins in. 

"Mansfield." I sigh. "Is no one listening to me?" I jest, taking a few quick sips from my own drink. 

"You speak like a thousand words a minute babe." Ally sends a smirk and I roll my eyes again, playing with the cap from Calum's beer bottle. 

"I was listening to the whole thing." Mina assures me and I send her a wide grin.
"Thank you." I quip. 

"So the story is just her, sitting on a bench the entire time?" Calum asks and I nod. 

"We get so deep in her point of view, that we get to see, feel, hear, think, and sense her exact  impressions of everything unraveling around her. It's brilliant." I state, but the stares around the table are unamused. "I hate you all, I'm going for a smoke." I jest, earning laughs and playful banter from them.

/

"I have a very important question." Ally states, making the rest of the voices around our booth pipe down. "Is it normal, when you're having sex with someone and they have their eyes shut the entire time? I mean the entire time." she enunciates.

My eyes immediately find Calum, for some peculiar reason. The mention of sex triggered something inside of me. Something that has been simmering in my thoughts for a few days now.

 What's even more peculiar, is that his eyes were already on me when I turned.

"Oh good, because this is exactly what's missing from my life. Information on Ally's sex life." Michael groans. 

"Ditto." Ashton shakes his head at his sister. 

"It's a valid, adult wonderment. I need adult inputs." she shrugs, taking the cherry from her drink and shoving it in her mouth.