Stardom For Dummies

Lesson 9 - How to drive yourself and your ex-best friend insane

CHAPTER 9 

< How to drive yourself and your ex-best friend insane >

Did you know? It takes five thousand seven hundred and sixty seconds to make up one hundred and twenty eight calls. Forty five rings, no voicemail, straight up unattended. And it takes an additional twenty minutes or so in between for you to vent, curse at the person on the other side and give the side of your face some space from all the tensioned slamming of your phone to your poor ear. Add a miscellaneous five minutes for every time you have to press the new call. In total, it takes about two hours for you to drive the other person and yourself into insanity.

"Winter, I swear to hell—" Liu Xuejun starts with a loving curse after hours of me bombarding his phone with my incessant calls. He could have easily blocked my number but for some reason that idiot didn't. So it is on him.

"Where are you?"

My mind flashes back to all the beautiful, emotional words I had imagined myself screaming at him when we actually talked. Two years of occasional contemplation and rehearsals in front of the bathroom mirror, and in comparison, my opening question was extremely lacklustre.

The voice on the opposite side goes silent but my ears pick out the way he breathes. Slowly. Xuejun and I used to be roommates. Most times, I'd just crash on his bed instead of climbing up my bunk —tired as we were after training— and I used to complain all the time about him breathing into my ears. But here it was, right next to my ear again. After so long and though I felt like a loser, an indescribable wave of nostalgia crashes on me, choking the sarcastic words that were waiting to machine gun their way out of my throat, and I feel my eyes stinging.

"Just," I say but my voice breaks embarrassingly and I had to quickly cough to conceal it, "where are you? Everyone's worried."

Xuejun doesn't talk and the silence drags, thickening in the invisible night. It's almost four in the morning. My eyes burn and I try to rub away the bleariness. My sweatshirt is slightly damp and I belatedly notice my runny nose.

"Xuejun?"

His breath hitches, all the more obvious in the phone call and I wonder if he feels the same way as I do. Two best friends falling out for no reason. One day you're thumping each other on the shoulders and the next day, you realise that was the last time you'd ever be friends. And for stupid reasons.

"Just know that I hate you," Xuejun finally says. His voice is as I remember. Sure, I'd just listened to him on the music show a few days back but that was different. This time, it is real. And it feels familiar and alien, altogether. Maturer than I can comprehend but still with an immature undertone. I don't make sense.

"I know."

"No, I really hate you."

"I know," I pause, "so tell me, where the hell are you?"

It's still dark and the roads are almost deserted as I walk towards the address Xuejun had shared on Takao Talk. The streetlights barely make anything better but at least, it feels a little comforting to have the light on me. I walk nimbly though the residential areas, wishing my legs would carry me faster.

I've never been on the streets of Seoul this early in the morning. Did it have traffic? Probably. I did not know. Let alone this peaceful residential area that I didn't know existed even though I've lived in the city for five years.

When I finally arrive at the place Xuejun shared, I'm at a loss of words.

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