je t'aimais, je t'aimes et je t'aimerai

I WILL LOVE YOU - INSTAGRAM

I WILL LOVE YOU – INSTAGRAM

.(just pretend Instagram was the way we know it now because stories appeared in August 2016)

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Chris just dropped you out at your place. You rush to your apartment, hitting every wall on the stairs. Your vision is all blurry, the tears are transforming everything. You were fucking over him! Why does it make you cry? You have your life, an amazing job, a beautiful hamster, and the most loving friends! Why does he make you feel this bad?

You need to throw up, it's too much to handle. You drank too much tonight, it can only be the alcohol making you react this way.

You rush to the toilets, hitting another piece of furniture or two. You'll have huge blue marks tomorrow. It's a miracle you were able to aim in the toilets. You stay here, crying and feeling like shit. He has no right to make you feel like this after 3 years. You are over him! And the ring! Who picked her fucking ring? Her? Him? Didn't he notice how similar it was to yours? Okay, yours was blue and hers is a white diamond and now that you are thinking about it there is pretty much nothing in common except than it being a ring but isn't it already too much?

You are fixing the walls. There is a tiny stain next to the toilets. You fix this tiny stain. It's a spider you killed about a year ago... You raise your hand, to imaginary take it off. You are amazed by your hand. You must feel very bad to think your hand is interesting. You check your nails, all done for tonight's occasion. You check the wrinkles on your fingers and your fingerprints. Isn't nature amazing? Oh. This fingerprint is crossed by a scar. You fix this scar. You don't remember what it was for, you cut your hands so often! You try to focus, you try to remember and after a lot of focusing, you regret... You have had this scar since your 21st birthday. This scar is the reason why he proposed to you.

Fucking liar! He said he'd love you forever and now he is about to remarry! You cry again. You know on a regular day it wouldn't have affected you that much, but today is like being backstabbed.

You get up from the toilets and go to your kitchen. You know it's terribly wrong but you pour yourself a glass of vodka. You need it. You'll be over it tomorrow, but tonight you allow yourself to feel the pain. It's the first time in years you feel so miserable, it happens, right? You have to forget about him! All he does is ruin your life! He ruined your youth and now he is ruining your adulthood! You decide there is no need of pouring another glass and directly drink out of the bottle.

You have to focus on Chris. Chris is nice, Chris wants you, Chris loves you. It should be more than enough...

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June 27th. Two days after the wedding. You are over it, your life came back to what it was. You hang out with Astrid, the only person from your previous life you still talk to. You sometimes have contact with Gustav, and you were delighted to learn he got married last year. You declined the invitation, and he knew why and understood. Gustav will always be your favourite person from your old life.

- You should really read this book, they are going to make a movie, Astrid advises you.

You look at the cover: Fifty Shades of Grey. The picture doesn't inspire you at all.

- What is so special about it? You ask her.

- When is the last time you had sex? She asks back.

- I don't see the connection here...

- This book is the new Kamasutra. Everything that changed since you last hooked up with someone is in there.