I work at Teller Morrow and I love my job and the people that I work with. I don't speak much and don't stay for the parties. See, I'm a thick girl and I suffer from severe depression. It's hard some days to put on a smiling face and talk to everyone but they are all good to me. Another problem is that I am hopelessly in love with one of the guys. Happy Lowman. He doesn't speak much but what little he says, he's nice to me.
At work one day, Jax walks in and I hand him the repo list. Can you take Juice with you and handle the repos? I asked. "Sure Darlin. How you doing today?" he asked. "I'm good Jax." I say but don't look up. "We're having a party tonight. Why don't you come?" he asked. "I don't think so. I'm just gonna hang out at home." I tell him. "Well, if you change your mind." he says and I just nod and say "Thanks." He walks out of the office and a few minutes later he's pulling off the lot.
That evening, it's time to close up shop and the lot is already getting filled up. Heading to my car, Gemma stops me. "You not staying?" she asked. "No. I'm tired so I'm gonna head home. See you Monday." I say. She kisses my cheek and says "You know I'm here if you need to talk." I smile sadly and say "I know. Thanks." I say before walking to my car.
Getting home, I check my answering machine. Hey baby. Just wanted to call and say Happy birthday. Give us a call when you can. says the voice of my mother. Next message Hey sis. Happy birthday. Call me when you can. my brother's voice calls from the machine. I delete the rest and don't even listen. I sit on the couch with a beer and flip through the channels, barely paying attention.
I spend the rest of the weekend alone and in bed. Monday morning rolls around and I head to the shop. Walking into the office, I head to my desk to start working. Gemma comes in and asks "How was your weekend?" I just shrug and say "Quiet." She shuts the door and asks "Why didn't you tell me your birthday was the other day?" I look at her shocked and she says "I was updating my calendar and got your birth date from your file." she tells me. "Gemma, it's just another day. I don't celebrate it." I tell her. "Why not baby? That's an important day." she asked. "Not to me. But I spent it the way I wanted. At home relaxing." I tell her. She just shakes her head.
Later that day, Happy comes into the office to bring me his paperwork. "Thanks Hap." I say but don't look at him. "I heard Gemma say your birthday was the other day." he says. I stop what I'm doing but don't look at him. "It's just another day." I say. "No it ain't." he says. Sighing, I say "It is to me. I don't celebrate it. Never have." I say. "Why not?" he asked. "Doesn't matter." I say. "Does to me." he says. "Fine. I don't celebrate it because I don't have anyone to celebrate it with. My family lives ten hours away and I don't have anyone here." I tell him. "You have us." he says. "Hap. I work with you guys. It's not your responsibility to hang out with me." I say before closing up the shop and heading home.
Sitting on the couch, thinking about my conversation with Happy and I start to cry. The one person that I love acting like he gives a shit. How could I be so stupid. The more I think about it the more depressed I get. Walking into the kitchen, I grab a bottle of Jack and head to the bathroom to get my sleeping pills. I can't handle this anymore. Sitting back on the couch, I start to chug the bottle and take a sleeping pill and then another and then another. Before I know it, I'm seeing black.
Beep...Beep...Beep. I hear. I open my eyes and see Gemma sitting there beside me. Great. I can't even kill myself right. I pull my hand out of hers and she opens her eyes. Standing next to me she asks "How are you feeling?" I don't answer. "I'll get the doctor." she tells me and leaves the room. I look over and see Happy standing by the window. Perfect. I look away from him and he walks over and sits on the side of the bed. Taking my hand, I try to pull away from him and he doesn't let me. "Why did you do it?" he asked. "Doesn't matter. Just please leave." I say trying to turn away from him. "It matters to me little girl. Now tell me. Why did you do it?" he asked again. "I don't matter." I say and start to sob. He pulls me close and says "Don't do this again. You matter to me. You're mine and you matter to me." he says as he tilts my head up and kisses me softly.
