Greenleaf

Break-up

I woke up next to Sophia. I got out of her bed. I took a shower and changed. I got my makeup on. I heard a knock on. I saw that it was Zora. " Hey, Z. What's up?" I asked." I came to say goodbye, " Zora said." What?" I asked. "I am 18 now, so I am leaving. But I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you and Sophia. " Zora said," Is there anything I can say that might change your mind?" I asked her. My heart hurt. First Raven now this. Zora just shocked her head. I went up to her and hugged her tightly. " I am going to miss you. And you can always call me, " I said." I know. I will miss you too, bestie," Zora said. I just smiled. We pulled away and Zora left to go to Sophia's room" Fuck" I whispered as I tried my best not to cry. I took a deep breath and left.

I went to Raven's house. I took a deep breath and then knocked on the door. Raven opened the door" Iris, baby. Hi" Raven said" Can I come in?" I asked her" Sure" She said and she let me" So, why did you come?" She asked me. She leaned in to kiss me but I turned my head away" What's wrong?" She asked me" What's her name?" I asked her" Who's name?" Raven asked me" The girl" I said" Iris..." Raven started" What's her name?" I asked/ demanded" Bailey" Raven said. I nodded" So you were lying the whole time?" I asked her with tears in my eyes'. Raven shock her head" No. I love you... But I love her too" Raven said. I nodded and scoffed" Does she know about me?" I asked her. She shook her head no" I promise you that I tried to stop thinking about her. But I can't" Raven said. I just took a deep breath and I felt my lip trembling" Let me tell you something. If you have to choose between me and her. Please chose her because you already lost me the moment there was a choice. I am not an option. I might think that I am ugly, I might think that I don't deserve anything. But I do have just enough respect for myself to not do this" I said" Iris please don't do this." Raven said" Why? Is it because you love me?" I asked. Raven nodded. I just scoffed ". You don't love me. You just love the fact I was there for you. You loved the attention I gave you. You loved the fact that I would drop ANYTHING for you. And you said that you never wanted to hurt me. You know what? It's fine. I am used to being  everyone's second choice, " I said. Raven was crying. It was hard to watch this I kept my emotions in." I am done, Raven, " I said, and I left her house.

I went back home. I went to Sophia's room. I saw her sitting on her bed" Hey" Sophia said" I just broke up with Raven" I said as I sat down in front of her" I am so proud of you" Sophia said" Are you okay?" She asked me." It hurts' a lot, " I said." Do you feel like you want to... You know, " Sophia said. I looked down and looked at my arms. " Yeah," I said. " Can you explain to me?" Sophia asked me." Well, I think it's because of all this pain I am feeling right now. I don't want to feel it, and cutting helped me with forgetting the emotional pain and made me focus on the physical pain, " I said. Sophia took my hand" Iris you are so strong to be going though everything that you have been through" Sophia said" I just wish that you haven't had to go through all those stuff" Sophia said. I just shrugged my shoulders. " No one can control what happens," I said. " God can. And I hate him for what he did to you, all of the stuff " Sophia said. I didn't know what to say. I saw a little book on her bed. I picked it up. " What is this?" I asked." Roberto made it, " Sophia said." Can I look?" I asked her, and she nodded. I looked through the little book. It was pictures of them." This is so cute," I said. " Yeah, it is," Sophia said. " So how are you two?" I asked." Not good, " Sophia said." I might as well just take the pages from your book and just break up with him, " Sophia said." Do you love him?" I asked her," I do, but it's just not a good fit anymore, " Sophia said. I just nodded. " Can you sing something?" Sophia asked me." Right now?" I asked her. She just nodded. " Come on. You have a beautiful voice, and I haven't heard you using it in such a long time, " Sophia said. I just smiled and nodded. " Okay," I said, and I started to sing, "I stare at my reflection in the mirror

Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error
I nearly left the real me on the shelf
No, no, no, no, no. Don't lose who you are
In the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving
Dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay Sometimes it's hard
To follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mould, yeah
The more I try, the less is working, yeah, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
"No, no, no, no, no." Don't lose who you are
In the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving
Dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay Sometimes it's hard
To follow your heart
But tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
There's nothing wrong with who you are Yes, no's, egos, fake shows
Like "Whoa," go, and leave me alone
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight
With a smile, that's my home, yeah, oh
That's my home, no No, no, no, no, no, no Don't lose who you are
In the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving
Dreaming is believing
It's okay not to be okay Sometimes it's hard
To follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing
Everybody's bruising
Just be true to who you are Yeah, yeah, yeah" Once I finished" That was so beautiful " Sophia said" Thank you" I said" You can really became a professional singer if you really wanted to" Sophia said" I do... But I don't know where to start, " I said." How about we up-load a singing video of you on Instagram. That might be a starts" Sophia said" That is a good plan" I said" I have no idea what I would've done if you weren't my sister" I said" Well you are the best sister tho" Sophia said. I hugged her, and she hugged me back. After some time, I went back into my room. I got ready for bed. I then sat on the bed and wrote some more lyrics. I then fell asleep while writing.