JENLISA | ANGUISH |

Chapter 32 - One shot

The encore is almost finished, it's time for the fireworks. The four of us and our dancers are now running to the extended stage to watch it. All of us lying on the ground for a better view with the exception of Jisoo unnie.

Coincidentally, me and Lisa are beside each other. I'm supposed to be watching the fireworks but when I looked beside me I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. With the occasional lights from the fireworks I could see her smile get wider and wider. Mine mirroring hers.

I move my hand slightly reaching for hers. When our fingers touched she looks at me. Her eyes, I recognize the way she looks at me. It has always been this way since we both returned from Thailand where mom and I went on vacation with Lisa and her family. The one she talked about when she thought I was asleep.

The time she knew she loved me.

She interlocks her hand with mine. Feeling so blissful and loved, I smile at her affectionately trying to convey what I'm feeling right now.

She beams back and mouths to me. "Hi beautiful."

I shake my head at her silliness. The fireworks is almost over so I stand up without letting go of her hand, pulling her with me. We were mostly still in the dark except for the lights from the fireworks,

I lean towards her and whisper. "Hello to you too, duckface." I see everyone standing up and running back to the main stage. I lean back and give her the goofiest smile and then ran for my life. Looking back, she's still standing where I left her with her mouth agape.

When she notices me looking back her expression changes. She smirks at me. I thought she'll immediately take revenge and run towards me but she didn't. Instead, she turns around and waves to the blinks.

She's definitely plotting something for later. I laugh and bid farewell to the blinks. I take a mental note to watch my back for her.

***

Now in my hotel room getting ready for bed, my mind wonders to Lisa. Now that I told her my feelings, what happens next? Will we dive in right away or take things slow? Or she'll just reject me entirely. There's that option too.

As I'm changing to my pajamas I hear someone knocking on my door. "I'll be there in a sec!" I shout from the bathroom.

I hear a muffled reply. "It's okay, its just me unnie. Take your time." A smile automatically appears on my face the second I recognize the voice. I hope she's here because she wants to sleep here again.

I finish dressing up quickly and look at myself in the mirror checking if I look presentable. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be conscious of how I look in front of Lisa. Laughing at myself I dash to the door.

"Hi." I say as I open my door.

"I come bearing gifts." She says entering my room and showing me the bag. I close the door following her. "Alice, Wonjae oppa and I were walking around the block when we saw a little gelato shop and I know how you love them so I brought you some." She says unwrapping it and handing me a spoon.

While she was telling me the story, I just stared at her in awe. Saying thank you would never be enough to express how grateful I am but I still say it anyway. "Thank you, Lisa-ya. You don't always have to do this you know?"

"I know I didn't have to." She looks at me. "I wanted to."

I smile shaking my head at her. "Next time, let me take care of you." I tell her.

"Deal." She beams.

We talked about our day while eating the gelato. It's funny how we still have a lot to talk about even though we were basically together the whole day. Once we finished eating, coincidentally we both leaned back on the couch at the same time and she automatically wraps her arm around my shoulder to pull me closer.

She lets out a satisfied sigh. I relax in her embrace. It's nice having someone after a long day of work to talk to and to cuddle with.

After a few minutes in silence, I gather up the courage to ask her what's been on my mind.

"Lisa-ya..." I say softly.

"Hmm?"

I sit up straight and face her. Immediately missing her warmth. "What happens now? With us, I mean." I ask her.

Not expecting it, she just looks at me like I grew another head. After a few seconds, she sits up and faces me too. "I've thought about us too..." She grabs my hand between hers and pulls it to her lap.

She doesn't continue for a while, just caressing my hand. "I think it's better if you take time for yourself first."

I stiffen. What's that supposed to mean? Do we have to ignore each other again? Why would she ask that of me, when things just got back to normal between us? Too preoccupied inside my head, I didn't hear her calling me. It was only when she knelt in front of me, brought me back to reality.

"Why are you crying unnie?" She reaches up to wipe my tears.

I didn't even notice I was crying, too engrossed thinking what happens between us now in my head. "What do you mean? Do we have to ignore each other again?" I ask softly.

"What?" She asks bewildered. I look up. Upon seeing my face she immediately knew what I was thinking. She explains. "Even though it was your decision to end it, I know it still hurts you. You just broke up with him unnie, you need time to heal."

She caresses my cheek. "And to answer your question, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be holding your hand every step of the way. So, take as much time as you need because you won't get rid of me that easily." She smiles. "Okay?"

You would think that her reassuring me would stop the tears. No, it made it worse. The dam broke and I couldn't do anything about it. So many emotions are raging inside of me. Relieved that nothing's going to change. Grateful that she knew what I should do before I did. Ashamed that I didn't think of it first. And lastly, so much love and affection for this woman kneeling before me.

I start to mirror her smile while wiping my tears and calming down. There's only one thing I could do or say to tell her what I really feel about her. I was about to say something but she beat me to it. She had more to say.

"We have one shot at this and we have to do this right." She says solemnly. "No more lingering feelings about the past. Not just for you but for me too. I want us to start our relationship when we're both finally ready."

I couldn't agree more. "I'd like that very much." I say as I carefully hold her face between my hands. She stays still, letting me look at every detail of her face. "I know we agreed to do this the right way but I just have to say this."

I hold her face steady but softly, so she can't look away when I say this.

"I love you." I say wholeheartedly with all the emotions I could muster. I feel her holding her breath. She's looking at me like she couldn't believe what I just said but in an instant her expression changes.

She's smiling so wide that I'm afraid her face would break in two. Then the tears came next and I feel myself doing the same. If somebody walked in on us right now they'd be shocked seeing two women smiling and crying at the same time.

She puts her hands on top of mine that is still holding her face and says. "Before I knew about the break up I had given up hope of you ever feeling the same way I did. Hearing you actually say it makes all the sadness, the pain and the loneliness worth it."

Her last sentence made me remember a quote I read in the past.

"Where there is ruin, there is hope for treasure."
-All in by Emma Scott

Note: Some of you may have noticed that I usually update every Sunday (PHP time). I'm sorry I couldn't for two weeks. Just got busy with life.

Here's one chapter and I'll try to update another one in a few days.

All in by Emma Scott is one of my favorite books. Anyone here read it too?

And of course congratulations to our girls for finishing their stadium tour. 🎉🎉🎉
I already purchased my online streaming ticket. What about you?