Cut & Abandoned (Lesbian Story)

19

I couldn't go home after that because of how dirty I felt. Hudson took me back to his place and told Ray where I was but not why. His parents said it was nice to see me again and I would have said it back if it weren't for the reason why I was there.

The next day I skipped school and went back home. I needed to tell Tara what happened.

"Hey honey why aren't you at school already?" Tara asked.

"I'm not going." I croaked. My throat felt like it was closing and I felt nauseous.

"Are you alright?" She asked worriedly.

"Tara I need to tell you something..."

"Go on."

"Well... When I went to the mall with Hudson, Brianna came up to me-"

"Why would she come up to you after what happened yesterday?"

"-and she started to say things and... Tara I didn't want to but... I cheated."

"You- what?" She stared at me in disbelief. When I didn't say anything I saw her face drop  and a tear run down her cheek. A few tears of mine on were escaping as well.

"I didn't want to I honestly didn't want to do it."

"But... but you did..." Tara said quietly.

"She wouldn't stop. You don't understand she wouldn't stop. I had to give in. It's not like I wanted to have sex with her!"

"You... had sex with... Brianna..."

"Tara I hated it! I didn't want to. I couldn't stop! I would have, I really would have but-"

"How could you Alex?! How could you?! I love you and I thought you loved me to and you just cheat and-"

"Tara I-"

"-you know how strongly I feel about you and to do that to me with Brianna-"

"-Listen to me please I-"

"-just how could you?! Sex with Brianna? When you  pushed me away? You said you weren't ready. You LIAR! Go away from me! Leave now! I don't want to see you anymore! GO!"

"Tara you don't mean that please listen to me-"

"YOU'VE SAID ENOUGH!" She shouted. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

I turned around and ran out the door. She ran over to it and yelled "DON'T YOU COME BACK!" before slamming the door.

Sobbing, I ran down the road until I reached the park. This is where I first met Tara. I sat down on the swing and screamed. My sobs were cutting into each other and I couldn't take it. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I first heard Tara's voice in here. Not even a month ago... I broke open the cabinet in the shit bathroom and searched for it.Smart little Alexandria. Planting her weapons everywhere.  I found the little box and opened it up. Inside was one of my many blades. I threw the old ones out when I promised Hudson I'd stop. I hadn't been back here to dispose of this one. Glad you didn't.

Through the ragged sobs I slashed the blade against my skin. It was just as cold and bitter as I remembered. But somehow, it made everything feel better. Like I could take it all on. Because of your handy dandy little blade. Always there to cut you when you need it to. Always there to bleed you dry.

I dropped the blade and looked into the broken cabinet. I reached in and got out my emergency cigarettes. I took the lighter out of the package and stared at it. I stopped sobbing but the tears were still streaming. With blurry vision I lit a cigarette. I took a drag before pressing it against my arm. I'd never burnt myself before. Not on purpose. But right then, I emptied the previously full package by taking in a drag and putting it out on my arms.

It was becoming harder to breath and I was burning up. I pulled my sleeves down  without cleaning my arms. I knew where to go now.

I dragged myself to the old store my step dad always went to. L&C Serenity Shop. The only place where being a minor I could get it. More liquor, more cigarettes.

"Welcome back Alexandria! Haven't seen you in a while." The cashier said.

"A bottle of the strongest alcohol I can get and a pack of cigarettes." I said numbly. I emptied out my pockets on the counter and he took the money to get what I could for the amount I had.

"Here you go Alexandria. And remember, if you ever need any more money for this all, I can help you out." He said with a sleazy grin and a wink.

I nodded and walked out the shop carrying my drink and pack. I went to the empty alley way a block down and sat in the darkest corner. I sat for hours and the darker it got, the more shady people came. They gave me odd looks but I didn't pay any attention to them. I was too busy staring at my drink and the cigarettes, thinking about today and yesterday. About Tara. About Brianna. About everything. Tara is my everything. She saved me from myself, from my step dad, from the bullying and abuse, and she left me. Kicked me out just like that.

"You know by this time at night people here do business. You got anything?" A guy asked.

"I have some cigarettes I'm willing to give up."

"What do you want in exchange?"

"Pills."