Cut & Abandoned (Lesbian Story)

7

After we got done with all five movies it was 3:52 a.m.

"Do you think taking a two hour nap would make is feel better or worse?" Ray asked.

"I'd guess the later one."

"Ugh... so what shall we do for the next two hours Miss Alex?"

"Hmm... how about... we play games?"

"I don't see why not." He got up- careful not to knock over the bowls or several cans of Dr. Pepper- and  grabbed a deck of cards.  "Wanna play goldfish?" I nodded and he set up the game.

 We were a little bit into the game when he decided to make things personal.

"When did the bullying start?" He asked.

"When I was 10. But they didn't start throwing punches until I was 11."

"I'm so sorry Alex. Your life must have been hell. Being bullied and abused by your stepdad." He said.

"That's just part of it." I mumbled. I didn't think he could of heard me but he did.

"What else?"

"Nothing." Liar.

"What else Alexandria? Things can't get better if you don't tell anyone what's wrong."

I hesitated but decided to just tell him what he would find out eventually. "Everyone I love just dies. I told you my dad died when I was 2 and my mom when I was 12. The only other person that was ever there for me was my grandma. She was killed when I was 8."

"Killed? You mean someone murdered her?" He asked.

"Yeah. Mom always just said it was a heart attack but it wasn't. I overheard her with my step dad when she was in hysterics when she got the call. They said she was murdered. They never found out who, but I could make a pretty good guess."

"Who?" He asked.

"My step dad of course. He always told his friends he wished she would drop dead. He was and is completely able to murder someone if he wants. He doesn't care about anything. He only pretended to love my mom so that he would be taken in. He's living off of what she left for me to go to college and all. She and my dad had started saving everything they could when they found out my mom was pregnant. So there is a lot of money there. Not to mention what my grandma left me. That's enough to make sure you never have to work for at least a good 20 years. He's used 4 years up already. He has a shit job that he has just to go and get beer with that money."

"Alex hun you have the worst life of any person I have ever met. My life looks like gold compared to what you've been through. Even though we met just a few days ago, I can promise you already that I will stick by you for as long as you let me." He put down his cards and pulled me in for a hug.

I started to feel ill and I knew why. I pulled away and said "I... have to go get some air for a bit. Alone if you don't mind."

He nodded and I got up and left but not before grabbing what I needed out of my bag. I got out into the cool air and regretted not grabbing a light jacket to go over my long sleeve shirt. I reached into my pocket to grab the package of cancer sticks. My hands were shaking slightly while I held onto the lighter.

I got the familiar taste and instantly felt better, but much worse. It's odd what these do for me. I guess it's just like when I cut. I feel great for a moment but then I feel horrible. Although by now I don't feel all that bad. I should, but I don't. I imagine that's because I don't have any hope anymore. If I did I'd feel bad about what I was doing but I just don't seem to care anymore. It was useless to care. Caring didn't do anything for me except bring me down.

After a few last puffs I started to put out the cigarette. I stopped and looked at it while it was still warm before lifting up my sleeve. I pressed it into my arm and felt the heat. It wasn't too bad since it had cooled down but it wasn't exactly the most pain-free thing to do. I used to put them out with my skin before I decided I'd stick just to cutting.

I coughed and squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to get rid of the oncoming headache. The effort was fruitless and I just started heading back to the house. I hope I don't smell too terribly like smoke. When I got in I slipped into the bathroom and sprayed myself lightly with perfume to block the smell. I took out a piece of gum I kept in the cigarette package. I think I did well enough for him not to notice. If he mentions anything I'll say there was someone smoking out there and I got too close to the smoke and the smell stuck to me.

When I went back to his room he did question me and he did believe my lie. I don't like lying but it's become something I have to do. No one was going to know about the bullying and abuse but that got out. No one was going to know about all the death around me but that got out too. I can't let anything else slip. I need to look normal. Not fucked up and depressed.

We didn't do much for the last bit of time before we started getting ready. Tara was being distant and I couldn't really blame her. She did a slight wave goodbye when Ray and I headed out.

Back to the hell hole we go.