Sweet Innocence and Gentle Sin || 𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑

Chapter 12: Just You And Me

"I go wherever the brute does," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Well then, I'll have to convince Azriel that joining us is the most important thing in his entire life."

"Just say you like my company." I grinned, and Jurian laughed, shaking his head.

"Where's the fun in that?" He looked down at Miryam and then back up at me. "The two of you have grown on me. Of course I want you to join us."

I wanted to say they were my friends, but I didn't even know what made someone a friend. I realized that all my friends in life were... they were forced onto me. Even Nalia was forced to be around me, and just stumbled into a friend. But these people, they weren't forced upon me. I had the choice to never see them again, yet I stuck around.

Did that make them my friends? I couldn't answer that. I don't think I could ever answer that. But... at least I wanted to answer it, right? That was a first step. A small win. So I was already getting better at this.

As the day passed, I tried to occupy myself with anything I could find. Any small job someone would let me do, any artistic venture I could find the energy for. I was in the position of wanting to do something, but having no one trust me enough to let me.

I couldn't be angry about that, though. These people had every right to think that. But it still... bothered me. Of course it bothered me. I would be lying if I didn't say so.

I leaned back in my chair, listening to the gentle music in the bar. A simple fiddle playing alongside a set of drums. Candlelight lit up the building, and outside was only the dark that night brought.

It didn't matter what I was—or how I was treated here. I was free of the life I once had. I had the choice to say no when I wanted, and to go anywhere I wanted... within reason. As long as I could agree with the shadowsinger, I was fine.

Jurian was very pushy about taking me out for drinks. I sat across from him and looked as he watched the band play with a tired weight to his eyes. He was leaning his head on a hand, bent over the table a little.

He was so—so young. Barely an adult, and already commanding an army behind him. I wished this war wasn't happening simply so that he could experience life without it. To live as a young soul while he still could.

I sucked in a breath and said, "how did you find yourself in this... position?"

His gaze snapped towards me, deep brown eyes flecked with gold. He sighed and shrugged. "I didn't expect it, that's for sure. I was just... I was done with the life I was living. We all were."

"Do you... are you okay with what you're doing? The pressure of it?"

"Wondering if you should become a general?" He laughed. "I used to think the positions of power were nothing but sitting around giving orders and not really doing anything. But I want to do something, so I've rejected every opportunity to advance beyond the point I'm at now. I'm happy with what I have."

I couldn't help but be reminded of myself. Maybe that meant I could find a way to fit in. If I could relate to someone like Jurian, someone every mortal knew the name of, then perhaps I could find my way in—somehow fit into this new world I had never seen before.

I wanted to simply survive, but now that I had accomplished that, I wanted more. I craved more than just survival. Or the simple freedom that came with it. I wanted to fight. I wanted to experience the world at its fullest, and be able to tell all the stories I could. To have a dreamlike life that others craved.

The life that I craved. The life that I dreamed about. I was already living the beginning of it, but there was so much more. And I yearned for it.