Graffiti Boy

The How I Met Your Mother Incident

I woke up to the sound of Lyra and Hayes screaming at each other.

The twins had been trouble since day one. Now as eight-year-olds they loved to argue over every little thing.

I was exhausted.

Riley had come over and we had taken the twins to Disneyland, we had just gotten home a couple hours ago. Eli had spent the long weekend watching Netflix and eating pizza alone. It was his turn to solve our children's problems.

I checked the time, it was just past bedtime.

I shoved his chest, "Eli get up."

Eli stirred, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I almost fell asleep again, forgetting the twins fighting when Lyra screamed.

"MOM! HAYES PULLED MY HAIR!"

I groaned and pushed Eli off of me. He was still fast asleep. So, naturally, being the mature thirty-one-year old I was, I shoved him off of the bed, forcing him to jerk awake.

"Geez! Woman. I was having a really good dream!" Eli exclaimed.

"You can come back and dream once you fix up the twins' issue," I muttered, slowly drifting back into my sleep.

"They can figure it out themselves, we should just blare some music and sleep through it."

I opened my eyes, glaring at him.

Eli sighed, "Fine. But only because I love you."

I closed my eyes smiling, "I love you too."

Eli dragged himself out of our room, leaving the door ajar. I hated it when people did that. There was no way I would be able to fall asleep with the door open and I was too lazy to shut the door.

I settled on laying in bed and waiting for Eli to get back.

"Okay, my little devils. I'm going to tell you a little bedtime story. But you have to promise not to fight," I heard Eli tell the twins.

"Promise!" Both of the twins replied.

I was curious to hear what Eli was going to tell them.

"Alright kids. I'm going to tell you the story of how I met your mother."

Oh my god who was he? Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother?

This story was going to be great.

"So," Eli began, "I was walking to class one day, when your mother threw coffee at me in anger. I apologized for bumping into her, but she stomped away. She said I looked ugly and it really hurt my feelings."

He had better tell them he was kidding.

"Was Mom really that mean?" Hayes asked.

"Yes. She was," Eli sobbed dramatically.

I was living in a house with not two but three children.

"What happened next, Dad?" Lyra asked.

"Well. I kept buying your mother gifts and she just kept on throwing them away," Eli complained loudly so that it was clear he wanted to make sure I heard.

Yeah. I wasn't going to get out of bed. He could tell them all the lies he wanted. Over the past years, I had grown very attached to our bed. It was a very clingy relationship.

Lyra and Hayes both gasped, buying Eli's story.

"One time, I even bought your mother a car and she used a golf club to destroy it."