Mate of the Sand (Gaara's Neko sequel)

Mate of the Sand Chapter 33

M'kay, so I put in Gaara's POV again, just cause I felt kinda bad for him, but Neko's in there too.  He's actually trying to make things better for her.

___________________________

There have been very few people near here.

I've avoided most of them and killed the rest.

They're too easy, really.

Amari has opened her eyes.

That was a very cute thing to see.

One of her eyes, the left, resembles my own, but the other is clearly Gaara's.

She's grown a lot too.

By now, she's a foot tall, but her growth rate is going to slow down from now on.

By the time she's ten, four feet would be an impressive height.

After that, she might grow to five feet, but that's iffy.

Gaara's only 5'4, and I'm barely 4'8.

That's not especially small for a neko, but still.

Shinrai is gonna grow pretty tall, for a neko.

I think he'll hit 5'4 also, maybe taller.

All the tall nekos were killed off, they were seen as too much of a threat.

So the neko race eventually grew smaller.

Most of us are the size of an older child.

Ten or so.

Growing to be the size of a young woman, even for the males, was a threat.

The taller they were, the more of a threat they seemed, and the less they survived.

They were given less slack on everything, the smallest mistake would kill them.

It's really no wonder the tall nekos died out.

And out here, child sized and with an even smaller child, I think I might just follow that path.

But, oh, Kami, I hope not.

For Amari, if no one else, I want to live.

I want to live.

XXX

They won't let me go after her.

The elders, they say it's a waste of lives.

What would you expect from such oldminded people?

She could take the place of any lives that were lost.

Kyatto-hana can fight well enough to replace them.

But they won't let me go.

They'll consider me a criminal if I leave to look for her.

I want to kill them.

They dare to keep me away from her!

I lead this village for her.

She keeps them safe, and they doesn't even know it.

They don't know that she's the sole reason the village still stands.

I would slaughter them, but...

She's already gone.

I've already driven her away, I wouldn't dare lower myself in her eyes any further.

They live because I don't want to disappoint her any more than I already have.

Instead of slaughtering them, I've tried to make it better just incase she does come back.

She won't be considered a criminal for leaving, I've said that it was a mission.

Top secret, and all that, so they aren't allowed to ask.

I've made it clear to Matsuri that if she does that again, she will be killed.

She has been lying to a comrade, which is very dangerous.

Worse, she's been lying to her Kazekage.

That can be considered a crime against the village.

Not to mention that her lies drove a member of the Sand to leave the village.

The only thing that could be a bigger crime would be if she had murdered someone as well.

And I would kill her.

Temari asked why I hadn't.

I let her think that it was because I had changed.

Because I had compassion and could understand, even if I couldn't sympathize.

That's not true, though.

I have no compassion for her, no empathy, and certaintly not sympathy.

There has been no change, only a realization.

The realization that people love me, and that I loose no strength to love them.

My sand is not weakened, my reactions are just as quick.

No, it has nothing to do with change.

I want to see Matsuri apologize to her.

I want to see her on her knees, begging for forgiveness.

Pleading with my wife to forgive her for what she did.

That's not to say I won't do the same.

I will, but it won't be nearly as public.

It will be private, and it will take years.

She's not going to forgive me easily.

She was a virgin before our honeymoon, and I knew that.

And on our honeymoon, I marked her, she couldn't touch another man if she tried.

It would cause her enough pain to knock her out.

She asked me for the mark.

She was loyal to me, no matter how much I pushed her around, no matter how much I hurt her.

But she loves the child.

And I ordered her to kill it.

I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl.

Kankuro and Temari would know, but it isn't right that I ask them.

I should have asked her.

But I didn't, so I will wait until I can.

Shukaku won't contact me at all.

He is so angry at me.

I didn't listen to him.

He told me that Matsuri was lying, that I would know that if I went over what I knew.

Ko has started talking again.

He refuses to talk about her at all, but he talks.

I can't see him, and it hurts.

He's the last tangible part of her that I have, and I can't see him.

And he knows what I did.

The fact causes unending shame.

All I can do is hope that she won't tell the child what happened.

Not yet.

When it's old enough, when it's already been hurt enough to understand, but not now.

When it's seen how much I'll try to make up for it, how sorry I am.

When it can see how much I love them, even if I never knew it.