Against Reason

Disastrous

~ "I wanna kiss you, but your lips are venomous poison. You're poison running through my veins." ~

Aria

"God fucking damn it! Is nothing I do good enough Jean?!?" My father screams, slamming drawers so hard the whole house shakes. I instinctively flinch and hug my little knees to my body.

"No, it's not actually! You do jack shit all day and then throw a temper tantrum when I ask for the tiniest fucking thing! You don't pay for any of Aria's check ups, dentist appointments, dance fees, school fees, you don't buy clothes or food or school supplies, and when I ask you for any money you do THIS! You don't do shit for our daughter! I'm the one fucking raising her and taking care of her 24/7!!!! When will I get a little credit?! You think I want to be raising the little shit all alone? NO I fucking don't, but I don't have a choice!" My mom screams back louder. I try to take a deep breath as I wipe the dampness off my cheeks. In my mind, if I hug myself tightly enough, I'll just disappear. And then they won't ever have any reason to fight.

"You know what?! Fuck you! I'm done, you're an ungrateful cunt and so is your daughter!!!" My dad shouts, throwing something as he does so. I shudder as I hear footsteps approach my room. 'No, please go away.'

My dad swings my door open and stands a few feet away from me, nostrils flared and his chest heaving with each angry breath. His big, bulky body towers in my small doorway.

"You're an ungrateful little bitch, just like your mother," he spits at me. I watch him with wide eyes as he grabs the purple piggy bank that sits on my dresser. It holds all the money we've saved up since I was 5, so about 6 years, and we were going to use it for a Disney trip. But he just grabs it, gives me one final angry glance, and storms out of my room. He slams the door behind him with all his muscles, and it rings through the air like a gun, shaking the house once more. I flinch hard as he does so, squeezing my eyes shut.

I bolt upright in bed and begin to frantically breathe. I gasp for air and unintentionally shudder as I recall the very vivid dream. Tears stream down my cheeks as I kick the blankets off and hug my knees to my chest, like I'm 11 years old again.

I'm barely conscious enough to make out my surroundings and determine that I'm in my bed, not Vera's. It's dark out, maybe 6 in the morning. My head is pounding, partly from the traumatizing dream and partly from the liquor I consumed last night. And it's made worse when I recall recent events. Shit, that part wasn't a dream.

I groan and wipe tears off my cheeks, shoving down the painful memories that my dream brought back up. There's an ache in my heart at the mere fact that I'm sleeping alone tonight. I don't blame her though, I said some cruel things.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed and drink some water from my nightstand, trying to recall what happened last night. I remember sobbing into her chest as she held me, and then I remember the sensation of my teeth chattering from the cold snow, and I think that's when Vera walked me into my house and...

She stands awkwardly by the door as I sniffle and shiver around the kitchen, making myself warm tea.

"You'll be ok?" she asks quietly. I look up for a second and her red-rimmed eyes guts me. Her mascara is running and her hair is messy from all the excitement. This is all my fault.

"Yeah I'll be fine."

"Great. I'm gonna uhm - go back home," she says quietly.

"Do you want me to-"

"I want to be alone." she cuts me off. I widen my eyes a little, before stiffly nodding. And with that, she wordlessly walks out.

I lie in my bed after that, replaying all the awful things I said to her, making myself sick. Well, the alcohol doesn't help. The thing is, I didn't really mean most of it. Is it all true? Yes, but I know what I signed up for. I don't even care that much that I don't get a normal high school experience. I'm just happy to have Vera, I don't need anything else. I just said those things to hurt her, because I know she's sensitive about our age gap. God, I am an asshole...