MAROON ! | j. champion

o20. know it's for the better

TW: slight panic attack, drinking, you know the usual

IN REAL LIFE

MAEVE STOPPED BREATHING, RELEASING HER legs as she planted them on the floor. she looked over at jack, searching his face for some emotion— nothing. his stare was blank until he suddenly stood up. he began pacing around the living room and went into the kitchen.

maeve followed him, "what do you mean, jack?" she knew what he meant, and it was obvious jack knew that since he scoffed. "you know what i mean, maeve," the use of her full name terrified her, she began to feel more anxiety than she's ever felt.

she took a step towards him, to which he just stared at her. it was then she noticed the tears in this eyes, "jack, everything is fine between us. you know that." jack shook his head no, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, "no it's not. i know it's not, you've barely looked at me or tried talking to me! you haven't been sleeping, i hear you writing in your notebook at night. something's going on."

maeve didn't know he knew everything. she had assumed she was suffering in perfect silence, no one noticing unless she had told them. she crossed her arms, "jack. i'm telling you everything's fine." her voice cracked through the lie, and jack dryly laughed. "would you stop lying to me, maeve?" jack walked towards his room, maeve trailing behind him. maeve attempted to sound like she wasn't desperate, "i'm not lying. i'm okay, we're okay." maeve felt awful about lying to jack, but she had to.

jack stopped right before he stepped into his room, barely a few inches between their faces as he turned around. he looked her in the eye, "please stop lying to me. this is the end, i can tell." maeve attempted to reach out to touch his arm, to which he flinched back. she sighed, swallowing the lump in her throat. her heart broke at the sight of the boy in front of her, the tears still in his eyes as every word he's said has been a whisper.

jack wasn't angry, and that somehow hurt more than if he was. he just sad. "i'm sorry," maeve ran her hands through her hair. jack watched her every move, the space between them still small, yet he's never felt so far away from her. his voice cracked, "stop apologizing, just tell me what's going on. tell me before you end it. give me one last thing, please." he took another deep breath, "tell me what i did wrong."

she stared at him for a moment, not wanting this to end. as much as it hurt, if this conversation ended, she'd never be this close to him again. maeve felt a tear slip down her cheek, "nothing. you didn't do anything jack, and that's what's making this so hard for me." jack shook his head in disbelief, "maeve, please. i can take it, i had to of done something to hurt you."

"jack, it's just me. that's the problem here," maeve crossed her arms, looking down. jack clenched his fists, "maeve, this isn't fucking fair." the tone of his voice was angry, but he still whispered. he was terrified his voice would break her, then he'd never get her back. "maybe we just don't work the way we thought we did," maeve looked back up at him. "it's for the better."

    "i really hope your wrong about that," jack looked away from her before pushing past her, walking out of his house. maeve was left standing there. she had wished he was angry, she wished he would scream at her. instead he was just so quiet, so broken. she'd never seen him feel so small, and it hurt so much more. she walked into his room, gathering her things as she called an uber to come pick her up. she left a quick note on his desk, telling him she was safe and that she was sorry, tears threatening to spill.

she choked back sobs, feeling the oncoming panic attack. once she put her shoes on, she stepped outside. she attempted to take deep breaths, repeating the exercises her therapist had taught her over and over. she felt lightheaded as she stepped into the uber, barely being able to mutter a hello. she simply stared out the window silently crying after texting olivia a 'on my way' text.

IT WAS OVER SEVEN HOURS later, maeve had barely spoken or eaten at all. she had arrived at olivia's just over an hour ago, the older brunette rushing her into the house and attempting to comfort her the best she could. after maeve ignored every attempt, she kissed the girl on the forehead and gave her shoulder one last tight squeeze before leaving her in the silence of her guest room.

maeve had thought about texting jack, but decided against it. his friends who she had become friends with had already texted her, asking her how she was. she'd assumed he had told them all, or told one and they all just sort of worked together to help him. maeve concluded jack didn't need her, he didn't need the girl who broke his heart.

after her panic attack and breaking up with her boyfriend, she was exhausted. yet, she couldn't sleep. she hadn't been able to sleep well in days, but now it was a sudden inability to even get a few hours of rest. she knew she needed to sleep, it's what would help her— she couldn't.

     it was around 3 am when she heard a knock at her door, "come in." her voice was soft, rough from how little she had spoken today. olivia opened the door with a tired smile on her face, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hand. "how'd you know?" maeve attempted to add the sweetness to her voice she failed to display in her facial expressions. olivia simply set the glasses on the lap desk she had grabbed, filling them both, "i know you, mae. as much as i hate that you drink when you're sad, as long as i'm here i can make sure you're okay."

     maeve looked at her, tears in her eyes, "do you wanna know what happened?" olivia handed her the glass, pulling maeve closer to her by throwing her arm around the young adults shoulder. "i'll listen to whatever you feel like saying," olivia shrugged, sounding exhausted. she had been in the studio all day, making last minute touch ups on her newest album and upcoming single. this made maeve feel awful, but she concluded olivia wouldn't be here unless she wanted to. maeve took a sip of her wine, practically drinking half the glass. she swallowed, "this feels so different, it hurts so differently. like, it was like i knew he cared and that's why i left. that's always why i say i leave, but that's never true. people just don't feel right, but he did."

     if anyone knew about rough heartbreaks, it was olivia. the two often bonded on their specialty of getting in bad relationships, or in this case, one's that are seemingly too good for them. olivia sighed, putting her glass down and taking the lap desk off the bed, she laid down and maeve rested her head on olivia's chest. "i can't tell you why it feels that way, and this will sound stupid, but that's probably a good thing," olivia attempted to reason with her friend's feelings. "you don't have to go through things alone, and he showed that to you, and that's terrifying."

     maeve felt tears fall, her hastily wiping them away as she shut her eyes, finally feeling tired. "thank you, liv," maeve hugged her friend before resting her head back on her own pillow. olivia smiled, "always."

CLEM,
getting those song references
in so u can guess what's on the ep...
i have that whole chapter written