MAROON ! | j. champion

o17. self sabotage

IN REAL LIFE

AS MAEVE WENT THROUGH SECURITY, she felt the sudden pit in her stomach she knew all too well. she wished her thoughts would just shut up, permanently. she wished she could go back to when she wasn't so anxious about everything with jack.

     she knew she was self sabotaging, but that doesn't mean she could stop it. maeve knew this feeling like the back of her hand, she got too close and now she's going to mess it up. she didn't just feel like she was going to, she knew. this was the last time she'd see jack, at least while she was with him.

    she walked towards her gate, if anyone looked at her they knew that she hadn't been sleeping. her anxiety wasn't taking away from her excitement, per-say, but it wasn't benefiting her. the thought of her hurting jack made her feel sick, she had been feeling that a lot these past two weeks.

     as much as she tried to push these feelings down, lock them in a safe and throw away the key, she couldn't. her brain never shut off, curtesy of her adhd, and it constantly got the best of her. the minute she was happy, the minute she was comfortable, she felt the need to change that. no one liked her happy, not even herself.

     she checked her watch, realizing her plane doesn't board for another hour. happy thoughts, she just needed happy thoughts.

IMESSAGE

the girls only
jenna : the loml⭐️
olivia : sunshine☀️
bea : angel❤️‍🩹
maeve : lucky charm🐞

the girls only

lucky charm🐞
i'm losing mg mind

like actually.

i'm doing what i always do

sunshine☀️
my love

how are you doing and
do you want to talk about it

the loml⭐️
yes my angel we are always
here for you

angel❤️‍🩹
this is going to sound so awful
and like i'm assuming

but

are you doing the self sabotaging
thing that you always do that only
hurts you and whoever you are
distancing urself from

lucky charm🐞
yes!

you know me so well😁😁

feeling like i AM going to have a
break down and do something i
will regret this week visiting my
jack

but! hey! who's house is open
when i do the inevitable and
need to be away from my
apartment so i don't get
admitted