KIAN'S ACT

Nineteen

“Where are you taking me?” I asked Kian as I held his hand, feeling his touch in mine for the first time since I’ve met the man. Something told me that it was the first time in a long time since anyone’s held his hand as well. His hands were as damaged as his face was, but I still held on because scars didn’t scare me. 

We all had scars, some of our scars were internal like the burdens we carried from childhood, while some scars were external like Kian’s. 

We were back in his home, and I could hear the sheep in the distance. His home was silent, no men, no staff, it seemed that it was just the two of us. It was a little after 17:00 and the sun was setting, but it had taken on an orange, blinding glow. I loved the sunset, I could watch it for hours, memorise it and relive the memories the entire night. But I also loved the sunrise too, I couldn’t pick between the two. Sunrises symbolised a new beginning, a fresh start, a restart button. Sunrises meant opportunity while sunsets meant rest. 

He walked me into a room that I had never been in before. He pushed the double doors open with one hand and when the door swung open, I was met with a piano room. The room seemed to be a massive ball room, much like the ones you see in TV, much like the one in Beauty and the Beast. “Wow…” I gasped, my eyes wide as the moon, as they took in the tens of chandeliers that dangled from the high ceilings. The chandeliers were made of pure gold– I could just tell, and large, colourful diamonds adorned the chandeliers. Light bounced off the diamonds, creating this perfect disco feel in the most elegant of environments. In the centre of the room stood a grand piano, so large and so beautiful, and so black and shiny, that it felt like I had stepped into heaven. 

I felt Kian tug on my hand and pull me into the room, and as he did, he lifted my hand above my head and began to twirl me. I laughed, unable to keep the grin of awe off my face as he spun me, and the colours in the room became more pronounced. It felt…otherworldly. 

I couldn’t describe the feeling, couldn’t tell you with words what it felt like to twirl in the middle of all of those gold chandeliers and diamonds, the peace of the sunset surrounding us, my laughter bouncing off the shiny floors and surrounding mirrors, as my yellow ruffle strap dress formed a dancing cloud around my body, lifting with each twirl in the air and creating the perfect halo around my form…there were no words for it, other than otherworldly. 

In the middle of my twirl, my shut eyes opened and time seemed to slow as my eyes danced around the room; and I realised how happy I was in this moment. It was always the little things for me, the tiniest of split moments that made it feel like everything was going to be okay. And as I twirled, ebony eyes collided with forest green eyes, I saw a smile on his uncovered face– the perfect blend of perfection and imperfection on that face– and he seemed so human in that moment as I was mid-twirl and he was mid smile, our eyes so attached to the other, it was like we’d never break apart. 

In that moment, all memories of the bad that he’d done, danced in the air, high above, where I couldn’t reach them. My heart stilled and it felt like a spark carried between the two of us as we watched each other, holding our gaze as we wore mirroring expressions of loving glee. I realised then that my traitorous heart was falling for this man, if not, had already fallen for him. He seemed to hurt me so much, a lot like my mother did, and even if she had hurt me so bad, I couldn’t find it in me to hate her as much as I should have. He was the same. I couldn’t hate Kian, I felt he was too damaged for that. 

Trust Liyana Cele to pray for the devil. 

He twirled me into his chest and then we stood in silence for a moment. My back was to his chest and his arms were wrapped around me. His body covered mine, making me feel like nothing in the world could ever hurt me. He made me feel like I was as safe as safe could be in his arms. I think if an army of soldiers broke into this place right now and pointed their guns all at me, I wouldn’t flinch, because I’d feel like Kian could shield me from any onslaught that they could bring about. 

Safety…

I hadn’t felt that in a long time, I could count on my hands the amount of times that I’ve felt safe. 

“I learnt how to play the piano when I was 13 years old,” Kian revealed, breaking the moment of silence that we had been sharing. His honeyed voice sounded so velvety to my ears that I couldn’t help but close my eyes blissfully and feel a smile come on my face at the sound of it. Kian had a way of sounding so…angelic, as if his voice had been God’s final appeal at creating the perfect…being. He was so cold, so mean, so unkind, but his voice could draw you in like no other. “Jack taught me. He’d been an amazing piano player. His parents had wanted him to play every instrument known to man, and excel in each one. He loved the piano, and I grew to love it as well.” Kian began to move us, my feet pressed on his pristine and expensive shoes as he walked us to the piano. 

“He taught me every time I came to the circus. He’d teach me until my fingers ached and I’d beg him to stop, but he wouldn’t let me. Not until I would pass out form the exhaustion of playing the piano all day.” We reached the grand piano and I felt him unwrap his arms around me. “I’ve mastered the piano, mastered every piano performance known to man…” I watched as Kian let go of me and slide into the seat. I stood there, my bare feet on the warm shiny tiled floor, as I watched as he gently danced his fingers along the keys. 

Kian took in a deep breath, “I kept asking myself, which of the thousands of piano performances that I’ve mastered would suit the tale of my pixie.” His eyes were on the keys, his large body fit so well in that seat as I felt chills run down my spine at his words. Kian spoke too highly of me, he saw me as more than just Liyana, as more than just…a girl. When that was all that I was. “The answer is none. I remember something Jack told me, ‘Kian, it doesn’t matter how many piano performances you can master, what truly makes you a musician, is playing from the heart’.

I never got that part of my piano lessons. But now…I get it,” he looked up at me, his forest green eyes connecting with my own. “Tonight, you make me a musician, pixie. Tonight, I play from my heart. I call this piece, ‘Pixie’s Sonata’.” At that I watched as he began to move his fingers along the keys, creating a melody so silent and peaceful and intricate, that I feared the heavens would open and take him. 

Of all of the terrible things that he had done, I feared this lone performance would grant him his entry into heaven. 

I stood in awe, my heart squeezing, and my stomach in silence from the usual twisting and turning that it did…my cells were at peace, my mind completely blank, as he continued to play on the keys, creating a melody so enthralling, I couldn’t believe that it was because of me. I blinked, not even realising that tears were falling down my face, cascading with the grace of the devil with a heart in front of me. My clear tears slid from my eyes and danced along my cheeks to my chin, before collecting and then falling to floor. 

The music carried through the room, bouncing off the walls and chandeliers, and I knew then, what my father meant when he said that he saw angels dancing in my eyes. I think the tears I let out, were the sweat of their dancing from the music that Kian was playing for me. 

My eyes looked to the top of the piano, and right there, placed on the shiny black board of the grand piano lay a lone ring. It was a sunflower, made of diamonds. I swallowed, slowly reaching for it because I knew what it was. I took it between my two fingers and then brought it closer to me, inspecting the perfection that had been made. The diamonds glistened under the plethora of lights that the diamonds on the chandeliers were creating. 

I slowly felt it, my heart sinking at the realisation that Kian wanted me to be his wife. I knew that there was no choice in the matter. I knew that I couldn’t run or hide, and that he’d find me if I tried. I’d seen all that he’d done to other people and I feared what more he could do to me and to others around me if I dared to test him. 

I licked my lips, tasting the saltiness of the rebellious tears that had strayed off the path of my cheek down my chin. I kissed my lips slowly, as if welcoming those tears to find their home no matter where it is on my face. Kian continued to play the piano and as I stood there, I slowly slid the ring on my finger, watching the way that it seemed to be at home. When I had slid it on, I rested my hand on the piano and slowly made my way closer to Kian. I lowered my body onto the seat, joining him. 

I silently rested my head on his shoulder, swinging my legs back and forth to the beautiful music.