STARGIRL, bellamy blake

25

She scoffed in disbelief at his words, but kept her gaze trained on him. They both were good at hitting others where it hurt, weren't they? She shook her head and moved to push past him, "This isn't about you—"

When Astoria reached him he quickly grabbed her arm and put his other hand on her face, gently bringing her head back to him. She huffed, but allowed him to. It was much harder to argue when she was stuck looking into his eyes, and she thought he must've known that. She remained impossibly still, anger still radiating off her body but his touch calmed her.

"When Clarke told me you were dead," he paused, trying to find the words. He shook his head, "I didn't know how strongly I cared about you until then, and... I'll be damned if I have to grieve you again."

I'm sick, she should have said. She should have given him the chance to process the fact that no matter how hard he fought to protect her, he couldn't save her from her own body caving in on itself. She owed him that—the knowledge that every moment they spent together was fleeting—but she was terrified. 

Terrified that her final months would be different if everyone was aware that she was sick; that they would treat her differently and leave her out of important discussions. She hadn't truly allowed herself to admit the true reason she was keeping it too herself, however. The moment someone else knew, it was real. Then she could no longer convince herself that it was all a lie Dante made up to scare her.

Instead, she nodded her head. "Alright, spaceman," she whispered, closing her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts. "We'll do it your way."

Then she pushed herself forward to kiss him; a soft, ghostly kiss that Bellamy wasn't expecting. He thought she was still angry with him, for keeping Lincoln's potential death from her, and for getting so angry about her leaving camp with Murphy (in truth, he was still angry at her; for caring so little about her own well-being, and being so set on sacrificing herself, and for leaving the camp with Murphy of all people). It seemed that the two always were angry at one another for something, but when she kissed him it was all forgotten for a small while.

When he started to kiss her back, Astoria put more of herself into it. She used her good hand to grab behind his neck and pull him in closer, breathing heavy as she made him groan by slipping her tongue into his mouth. They hadn't done much since being at Camp Jaha, because Bellamy was too worried about her injuries, and Astoria was tired of that excuse. She was tired of everything feeling so different, and all the tragedies that plagued them. She wanted to fell as she had when they spent the night with one under after Unity Day.

So, she grabbed his fingers with her four good ones, making sure not to put any pressure on her palm, and started to lead him over to the bed without breaking their kiss. He reluctantly let her do so, but from the way his bulge was pressing into her she knew he was holding himself back.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered as she pushed him to be siting on his bed, but she just shook her head.

"Shut up," she didn't wait before carefully getting on top of him, using one hand on his chest to guide him back to be lying over the sheets while never breaking the kiss. He quieted immediately, hands on her hips before they sneaked under her shirt and up her back. She pulled back only to release a breath at the coolness of his fingers, and he smiled before leaning up to capture her lips again.

When she rolled her body against his groin and he shivered before holding her hips tighter, she leant back, quickly discarding her jacket to the floor. He sat up with her, bringing both hands to either side of her face to get her back to him. He dropped one to work on the button of her jeans, and Astoria shivered slightly when he touched the skin of her stomach.