Stardust

Sleepless Nights

Once again, my mind is racing,
Trying hard to compute,
Does he like me or does he not?
No, he does not.

Once again, my heart is screaming,
Trying to keep me awake,
Will I finish before the deadline?
Nope, it's already hopeless,
Once again, my fingers are cold.

I'll hold my own hand,
I'll guide my own self,
To my doom,
I can't stop thinking.

I like him, I said it.
I'm addicted to lying, I said it,
I'm worthless, I said it,
It doesn't matter, just forget it.

I can't help it when my heart twists and turns in pain,
It won't listen when I tell it that there is nothing to be afraid of,
I like being depressed,
My favorite weather is the rain.

What's the point of trying to make it stop,
Sure, maybe I am blind,
Unable to see the future,
I'm scared.

But I'm my own guide,
Alone in my little world,
I'm scared,
I'm such a failure,
I'm only slightly above average,
Not good enough.

Once again my mind is racing,
Unable to formulate proper thoughts,
Once again my heart is beating,
Unable to feet anything but distraught,
Once again, my fingers are cold on a sizzling hot day.

I just wanna hold your hand, stop pushing me away,
I just wanna tell you things and tease you every night,
I just wanna tell you that I think you're beautiful,
I just wanna disable all my accounts and start a new life,
I just wanna get rid of the old and get rid of myself.

I just wanna... Stop being part of this world,
I don't feel like I belong,
Same old routine,
Like hitting repeat on an annoying song.

I just want to sleep,
And never wake up,
I want to be buried deep,
It will never be enough,
I just want to belong.

Life is treating me rough,
I want to pick a new song,
To listen to,
Once again, my mind is racing.

To the wall I'm facing,
Making friends with the shadows,
Getting ready for the gallows,
And I don't want to fight it.

I'll go as soon as the rope is knotted,
Let this body rot away,
Alone and forgotten,
I just want to belong in your world.

In your life,
In my world,
In my life,
In a world,
In a life.

Nothing left untold,
Blood dripping from the knife,
I just want to belong,
Once again... I'm having a sleepless night.

Nothing will ever be alright,
Nothing will end my fight,
Nothing will bring me light,
Why are you just out of reach?

It's torture just having you in sight,
Come a little closer,
Help keep my fingers warm,
Help keep the sorrows at bay.

Help me dig my own grave,
Death scares me less than you do,
Once again, I'm having a sleepless night,
I just want to sleep for ever.

Away from having to explain myself,
Because my mind is running,
And I can't compute my thought,
I can't comprehend not feeling sad.

Originally written on October 21st, 2014 © Crosswings