Happy Chaos

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

SAGE

I DONT THINK I have ever been happier than I was at this moment. Well, other than when Tien first told me she loved me.

It had only taken fifty years.

Currently, Ainsley and I are at a restaurant called Marybeth's Kitchen sitting in a booth in the corner. It was a small place that wasn't ever too busy. That's one of the things I loved about it, it was mellow and they had great food. Marybeth was the name of the owner. She had opened this restaurant about sixty years ago and Viviana and I found this little hidden gem one day when we decided to spend a day in the city. Viviana would definitely be jealous that Ainsley and I came here. She was absolutely in love with their pumpkin pies. Devouring three every single time we come here.

Honestly, her appetite never ceases to amaze me. Then again, she had spent years being starved and having her meals restricted to small portions to stay appealing to her clients. Just the thought of what she's gone through makes me sick to my stomach. And if I weren't with Ainsley right now, I probably wouldn't eat.

When I gaze into Ainsley's eyes it's like nothing else exists. I had never felt so happy before and it soothes me to know that this is probably also how Viviana and the others feel.

I think that Ainsley can help Viv heal from the deep-rooted trauma she has. Obviously, it won't make it go away but I wish more than anything for the pain in her eyes to dim even a fraction and be replaced by the love for life.

"How did you find this place?" Ainsley asks me and I smile at her.

"Viviana and I had come to spend a day in the city about twenty years ago and we stumbled upon this place. For a while, we would come here at least once a week and just talk. The others wanted us to stop frequenting this place, though, because people would be able to start picking up on the routine and it could get dangerous. Tien was worried that someone would try to hurt one or both of us. She won't admit it but Viviana has a very special place in her heart. When she heard about everything that happened to her, and that she was set for execution? I had never seen her more angry. This was even before we knew that she'd be your mate," I sigh "Viviana was only 25 when we met her, and I had never seen someone more lost and hurt than her. And I've seen a lot of fucked up things in my lifetime. The things that happened in my village were atrocious but nothing could compare to what happened to her. Tien views Viviana as a little sister who she wants to protect from the world. I wouldn't be surprised if she sacrificed me to save her. Not that I'd protest. I would do absolutely anything for the others. I'd die in the most painful way possible over and over again for the rest of time as long as they'd be okay. I know that Lux thinks that we don't care about her but I can say with confidence that I'd try and give her the world if I could. She may not view me as a friend, but I view her as one."

"She thinks otherwise."

"I know. I've fucked up a lot over all the years I've known her. I should've made it more clear to her that I loved her and that I would do anything for her. It's just while I seem to be the caring one, the one who knows how to deal with her emotions the best and the most level-headed one, I'm honestly not. There's so much going on in my brain all the time and it's tiring. I paste a smile on my face and bottle up all my feelings until I can break down and cry by myself. What makes it worse is that for some reason I can feel what others feel. And sometimes it's so overwhelming that my head feels like it's about to explode. It's part of the reason why I hate violence so much and I refuse to hurt people like the others. I can feel their pain, I can feel their fear and their wishes for the sweet release of death. Sometimes, it blurs with my emotions and I begin to believe that's the way I feel. There have been numerous times where I've found myself reaching for sharp objects to put up to my throat but I've, thankfully, always snapped out of it. In my old village, due to this ability, they had me perform a lot of the interrogations-- which were just torture sessions-- and I hated it more than anything. I haven't ever wanted to hurt or kill anyone."