Beyond the Cameras

Chapter 19

I stared into his rich, chocolate eyes and fell in.

And if his arms would have been open, I would have fallen into those too.

He seemed to be moving his face closer to mine and I froze.

No, you stupid brain, make my head move closer too.

If was as if we were moving in slow motion. Both us in moving our heads closer together, but staring right into each others eyes.

Then he pulled away.

"I should probably take you home," he muttered, letting go of my hands and shifting in his seat to start driving again.

When would we get it right.

****

After Nol dropped me off, I decided I would find everything out tomorrow. I talked to Cal for a bit, but he didn't know much either so I just went to bed.

I disregarded Sam's choice for my outfit to school and just went with a sweater, dark-colored jeans, and a pair of boots. Comfortable, but not comfortable enough to look homeless.

I trudged into school, already in a bad mood despite the cheeriness of the student body. Apparently something was going on, but I was completely out of the loop since I was in California for half a week.

I spotted Lou at her locker with Jo right beside her so I brought my bad mood over to them.

"Hey guys," I greeted, leaning against the locker beside Lou's. "Did I miss something while I was gone?"

"It's Winter Formal in a few weeks and the theme was just announced-Whoa. Did you wake up late or something," Jo asked, eyeing my outfit with obvious disapproval.

"I completely forgot and no. I just didn't feel like dressing up today."

"Did something happen this while you were away because you don't look very happy," Lou pointed out, pulling books into her bag.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I said, hoping they would understand that it wasn't them, it was me. How cliche.

"Did Noland do something," Jo asked, her eyes widening with all of the possiblities of what it could be.

"No, it's quite the opposite really. He's not doing or saying anything. I saw him yesterday and he leaned in like he was going to kiss me then pulled away. You think maybe he's moving on? I mean, maybe he doesn't want to do a long distance relationship, but he hasn't said anything. Anything at all."

"So you admit that you really like him," Jo smirked, crossing her arms.

"Yeah," I sighed, "It's not like the entire school doesn't already know."

"I think you need to talk to him. Today. And bring up all of your concerns and see what his reasoning is," Lou suggested, closing her locker.

"And here's your perfect opportunity," Jo winked, pulling Lou with her as she walked away.

I turned around to see what she was looking at and saw Nol walking down the hallway towards me.

You can do this. You are strong and confident and only look minorly homeless.

"Hey Nol," I smiled, striding over to where he stood.

"Rory," he frowned. "We need to talk."

"Okay," I said, a bit confused.

Somehow I think the thing I wanted to talk to about was not the same thing he wanted to talk about.

I followed him to a spot that was less crowded and tried to quiet down the thousands of questions that were rushing thorugh my mind.

"Is something wrong," I asked, gripping my Louis for support.

"I uhh..," he rubbed the back of his neck, "Yeah. Yeah, something is wrong and I don't quite understand it all. I'm really hoping you can explain it so we can just go our seperate ways and maybe, by some miracle, I won't look like a complete idiot."

I stood there for a moment, completely flabbergasted by his response.

"I-I..Don't know what you're talking about," I managed to stutter out.

"Rory please, I think I've been humilited enough," he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

When I didn't speak he shook his head and looked me dead in the eyes.

"I saw the magazines this morning. I think it's pretty clear what you think of me."

What?!

"...Wait. Are you mad because I didn't text you and tell you I got the part?"

Nothing was making sense. He was perfectly fine yesterday so obviously whatever happened this morning was either pretty recent or he just now noticed it today.

"Don't be ridiculous. I knew you were going to get the part. I just didn't realize you would get a new boyfriend to go along with it. Here I was, thinking that I wouldn't text you to give you time to celebrate with your friends and you were off making googly eyes at some other guy. I thought I made my feelings for you perfectly clear, but you seem intent on crushing them without a backwards glance."

I was shocked and touched by his reply. He believed in me so much that he knew I would get the part? How did a guy so caring get stuck with a girl like me?

And what about his feelings? Did he really, really like me?

"An-Andrew's just a friend," I stuttered, completely thrown off.

"Yeah," he huffed, "well apparently so am I."

He ran a hand through his hair again and glanced to his right. "Look I have to go, but you keep doing what you're doing. It sure seems to be working out for you."

He marched away without looking back, not even once.

The lyrics to 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' took on a new meaning as I watched him leave.

Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart.

I stood in the middle of the hallway hurt and still a bit confused.

The tears hadn't come, but I had never been much of a crier. I just had a terrible ache in the pit of my stomach and in my chest. More directly, my heart.

I lost him.

I think this stood as a testimony that I needed to get my life together. As much as I tried to act like I was in control, I still wasn't and as a result, I lost Noland.

Not anymore. It was time to pilot my own life and I was going to start with talking to my parents.

****

After I finish this story, I'm probably going to put it through some majoring editing. Some of the characters weren't developed like I wanted them to be and some of the relationships are not quite how I want to leave them. So for future reference, if some of the chapters don't make sense together, it's because I'm editing them. The overall storyline will not change, just a few of the 'adventures' and things. That's all.

xx