Scarian/desert duo oneshots

Nobody Loves Me

[two uploads in one day!! Anyways this is because of the new MxMtoon, Cavetown, and Ricky Montgomery single. I suggest you listen to that before/during reading since this is technically a songfic. Also I needed some hurt/comfort lol]

     It was late, and Scar couldn't sleep. He would've said his mind was racing, but it wasn't the chaotic spiral he was used to. Rather, it was like moving his thoughts through half-dried concrete. The subject of such thoughts? The feathered man lying next to him, sound asleep. The room flickered from the unfinished ceiling to birch to mangrove and back to the half-finished bedroom on Hermitcraft. Scar pressed the heels of his hands to closed eyes, the pressure grounding him. At the start, right after Third Life, he hadn't meant to lie to Grian. He knew it had been traumatic, though, and when his memories were wiped (and eventually returned) for Last Life, it was just easier to pretend. He had felt lucky to remember their wild time together, the scent of gunpowder and blood still stinging his nose when he thought of it, but now he wished he could forget. That it could just go back to normal. Now not letting Grian down was all he could think of when he just wanted to hang around with someone who loved him. Scar released a heavy sigh, thoughts drifting to a couple days ago.

     "Bye, Scar! I had a great time!" Grian called, the sun hitting his face perfectly and casting gold across his features.

     "Y-yeah, goodbye!" Scar replied, a blush quickly growing and dying on his cheeks. The word 'goodbye' sounded so final. Grian had been so distant on Double Life, Scar wouldn't be surprised if those feelings returned and he left. Scar tried to calm his face down, forcefully pushing his eyebrows apart and the corners of his mouth up. Tears welled in his eyes at the thought, and he blinked them away as best he could. Grian couldn't see him like this. He would think the elf was weak and certainly leave. The avian gave one last wave, smiling over his shoulder, and took off with a flap of his wings. Hardly a second after his feet lifted from the ground, Scar sprinted inside, collapsing against the door the second it was shut. He had gotten good at crying quietly from lonely nights spent at Magic Mountain and the Cake, his mouth open in screams he knew he couldn't let out. Then, crying was weakness, and weakness was death. Now, he simply couldn't break the habit. Though his rational mind, grounded firmly in Hermitcraft, knew Grian was just going to work on his base, another part was yelling at him to follow the man and beg him to stay. He would tell him everything. That he loved him. That he couldn't survive without him. That he would be strong for him. That he would try so hard to be so good and humble. But in the end, he just sat there, silent tears coursing down his face.

     Scar was startled from his reverie by wings rustling next to him. Grian sat up, stretching his arms and back, his wings fanning out behind him in a brilliant display of color. Then he looked over towards Scar. Though his gaze was pure, sappy love, just for a moment, Scar saw differently. Grian's mouth set into a frown, his nose scrunching like Scar was something unsavory he was trying to figure out how to get unstuck from his shoe. Like dead weight. Scar's eyes finally made their way to meet Grian's. Where he once saw bright skies and swirling vortexes of ocean water glinting with life and sunlight, now he saw a place that was cold and empty where nobody loved him. Scar turned away, attempting to hide the bitter expression growing on his face.

     "Scar, are you okay?"

     "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Scar's voice was shaky and far from convincing. He kept his back turned.

     "What's wrong?" Grian laid a hand on his shoulder, gently turning Scar to him. When concerned eyes met watery ones, everything poured out of him like a flash flood of truth and emotion.

     "I-I remember everything. And-" he paused, trying to figure out what to say, but deciding however it came out was fine. Grian didn't need to understand, but Scar needed to tell him. "I don't wanna let you down and- and I need you, I want you like a- but I just... I'm hoping you really are mine but I'm a failure and I- I- just wanna be with someone who loves me." Scar rambled, thoughts dying before he could finish them, the ending left behind in his desperation to just say what he needed to. Each thought cut another off, but somehow it seemed Grian got the message, his eyes widening with realization and filling with tears to match Scar's.

     "Oh Scar, I'm so sorry. I love you so much, more than either of us can even begin to imagine. You were never a failure, I just couldn't bear having to kill you again." He broke into sobs, clutching Scar's shoulder in a death grip as though if he wasn't careful, Scar would blow away. Scar sighed. He understood now, and though it would take immeasurable time to heal, at least he knew he could rely on Grian. As he leaned into the broken hug, he let out a bitter, hissing laugh at all that had happened. Cactus and mangrove, love and death, betrayal and more betrayal, blood and bones, red and green. As he moved to turn away and calm his heaving chest, he looked down at Grian, broken thoughts pressed against his heart, and finally let it out. His chest heaved to support his gasping breath and choked sobs, deciding to finally quit running and just be with his love. Grian looked up at him, eyes reddened, and uttered five words in a cracking, strained voice but one full of love and sorrow all the same.

     "Nobody loves me like you"