To My Future Cheating Husband

LX. Youth and Hormones

"I'm standing right here," Ben said. "Not hurt. This is me facing reality."

"Come on man," Trevon dared to say more. "When we graduate from college and make a lot of money, you'll meet hundreds of Winnie."

"There is only one Winnie!" Ben clarified. "And you're my best friend. How can you say that about my girlfriend? You know I love Winnie."

"You love me?"

Winnie?

She's still here?

Awkward silence.

Winnie exhale quietly before she smiles, "BennyBoo."

He pushed past everyone, "I do love you."

"Me too."

"I'm sorry about Trev. You know how he is."

"Hey!" Trevon pitched in.

"I know. He's an idiot."

"Hey!"

"Come on," Ben grabbed Winnie's backpack, "I'll walk you to class."

Winnie grabbed Ben's arm, and together they snuggled their way to class.

"I'm so disgusted," Seth mumbled.

That makes two.

Trevon let out a: "Ugh."

That makes three.

And all three are somehow envious of their love.

"So-" Trevon turned to Seth and moved his hands around like an idiot.

"My advice? Talk to her." Seth pat Trevon's shoulder.

"Shut up," Trevon grumbled. "What do you know? You don't even have a girlfriend."

Does he know...neither does he?

After school and cheer practice, I decided to spend some time alone at the park. On the swing, I kicked the bark back and forth. It's not like I haven't tried to break up with Eli. But every time I open my mouth, the words get stuck, and then I swallow my courage.

I've never broken up a healthy relationship before.

Had I broken up a toxic relationship?

Plenty of time.

All you had to do was scream at each other until one person was fed up, pack their bags, and off they went.

A healthy relationship doesn't involve much screaming, and that's the problem.

A shadow blocked the sun. I looked up to see Eli in tan shorts and a white t-shirt. He smiled before he sat on the swing next to me, "Hey there," he said.

"Hi."

"Got alot on your mind?"

"Quite."

"Care to share?"

If sharing what's on your mind is easy, everyone would've done it. And if everyone shares what's in their minds, the world would be a much more resentful place.

Resentful.

Ah, yes.

That's what I'm afraid of - resentment.

If I broke up with Eli, would he be resentful and bitter towards me?

I'm scared to lose him. Not lose him as a boyfriend, but lose him from my life.

I don't know if I'll ever say it out loud, but Elijah Wood does make me a better person.

But, what about him?