Meet me in the Middle

Chapter 37

The yellow envelope I was currently clutching in my hand was shaking like a leaf as I numbingly take one step at a time from the roof back to the station. Cosa è successo? What just happened up there? Of all the scenarios I had in my head of how this conversation with Maya would turn out. Her giving me what I now believe was divorce papers didn't even make the cut. How did I let this happen?

"Carina! Are you okay? What is going on?" I guess I must look as terrible as I feel since Maya's whole team circles around me. Vic hands me a tissue and Jack rubs my back. "Maya just asked for a divorce..." I still can't believe it. You shouldn't be obligated to give me a second chance simply because you married me, not knowing how broken I truly was. How many of the scars that she thought made her unworthy of my love was my own doing? Did she ever take that into consideration?

"Ha! Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen." I wipe my nose with the tissue Vic handed me and try to wrap my head around it myself. "No, really." I hand Jack the envelope that Maya handed me, and all their faces mirror the disbelief I know is plastered on my own. They all stand closer as Jack takes out the document from the envelope and his gasp confirms my suspicion. "Signed divorce papers." Hearing him say that they were already signed forces the first sob out of my chest.

Vic and Jack move in closer to comfort me while everyone starts blaming Maya for causing me pain. I glare at Ben and squeeze the tips of my fingers in his face. "Why? Why, why, why? Why would you say something like that to her!?" His eyes glaze over in shame, and I beg him to have a good excuse for hurting Maya. You shouldn't have to forgive the person you hate! She used his words, she said them to Pam and then she used it as a reason for leaving me, which means she believes it. "I'm sorry, Carina. I will talk to her. I'll make it right."

The last time we spoke my words came from anger and they were meant to hurt Maya, not destroy her. I don't even remember everything I said to her, but I shouldn't be surprised that she absorbed every word and let it affect her on such an emotional level that it became a part of her self-hatred. She has always thought the worst of herself. Maya Bishop, her own worst critic. I cannot believe that I was so blind to the pain brought on by her own guilt.

"Clearly this thing between Bishop and Beckett is a lot more serious than we thought if she's asking for a divorce." Everyone looks at Sullivan and tells him to shut up. Travis tells him that it was not the time and Jack shakes his head at him. "Are we seriously just going to ignore the fact that they disappeared together again?" He points to the closed door of the locker room and Andy rolls her eyes at him before walking over there.

The alarm going off was so unexpected that it almost gave me and everyone else around me a heart attack. At least I knew that it was still beating even though it was doing so in my throat. The lump doesn't go away and instead turns into a ball of anger when Beckett runs out of the locker room with Maya. They are so immersed in each other that they don't even see me standing there. He rubs her back and she leans back into his touch while he whispers something to her.

Andy turns back at them, red in her face from how angry she was from whatever she walked into when she went to confront them. She yells at Beckett that he's on desk duty while the rest of the team goes out on the call and the way he glares at her while tightening his hold on Maya makes my blood boil. I realized that even at my best I will never be good enough for you. Was fooling around with Beckett her way of punishing herself? Was her best good enough for him?

Travis hands me another tissue which I use to blow my nose and the next one to wipe the tears from my eyes while he whispers comforting words to me. I still can't move on from the fact that Maya gave up on us. But did she really? The way she phrased it, it was like she believed that I was the one that had given up and she was simply letting me go. I wanted to stay married with you, not at the expense of you. I guess that answers my question whether she heard me telling my friends in the clinic that I hated being married to her.