Meet me in the Middle

Chapter 24

The first night at Beckett's house did not go much better that the one in the hospital. The nightmares wreaked havoc on my mind and Molly and Beckett took turns in sitting on the floor next to me until I felt save enough to fall back asleep.

That followed with Molly babysitting me the next day, after Beckett shamelessly confided in me that he didn't know how to deal with me when I was this emotional. He could handle sad Maya and angry Maya and borderline crazy Maya but mixing them all together to form the completely unhinged Maya was not something he wanted to sit by and watch.

Molly was used to people like me, so she was unbothered when I gave her the silent treatment. Assuring Beckett that everyone coped in their own way, and that they should trust that I'd talk to them if I needed it. She made sure I ate and kept me hydrated and changed the bandages on my wounds without a word, and when I would start bawling, she'd simply hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay.

When Diane dropped me off after our session, my mind was lighter. She gave me an outlet for my hellish nightmares and took me to a rage room. In the moment it felt amazing to let go of the negative feelings that have been festering since last night. She helped me understand that the nightmares weren't real and that it was only my subconscious's attempt to regain control. I helped Molly and Beckett cook and apologized for my behavior.

But, when I was lying alone again after the rest of Seattle were fast asleep, the negative feelings made way to something far worse. Realization. I grabbed the tablet and added some things to the list of things that made me like my dad. The updated list was blinding me with truths I wasn't ready to face, and I spent hours with my head in a toilet, throwing up and shivering from the thoughts I was still running from.

When I finally fell asleep, I had another nightmare of when my dad thrusted my head into a water fountain when I took too long to have a drink of water in between drills. I thought I was going to drown, and he only mocked my inability to hold my breath when he finally relented and lifted my head out of the water.

A cold tiny body lifting my blankets was what awoke me from that particular dream. I opened my eyes to see Antonio asking for permission to get in with me. "Sure, buddy. Is everything okay?" I gently lifted him onto the couch and pulled the blankets back over both of us when he made himself comfortable on top of me.

"Bad dream." He used the edge of the comforter to wipe his eyes and let out a shaky breath through his sniffles. He settled in the crook of my neck, and I completely froze when I realized I had no idea what I was doing. "Nity nite, Bishy." I decided to just hold him and let his innocent snores sooth the panic still coursing through my veins. It was probably the best sleep I've ever had.

The ruckus the two parents put up the next morning when they found their son's bed empty woke me up faster than any fire alarm ever could. "Shh, Antonio is sleeping." I whisper it loudly to them while lifting his tiny foot from my face. Seems like the kid was an active sleeper because he wasn't nearly in the same position I left him in when I fell asleep.

His head was nestled in between the couch cushions, with his one knee tugged into his chest and the other leg sprayed over my torso and his foot now on the pillow next to my ear. Beckett grabs his phone and snaps a quick picture while he laughs at his son.

"What the hell happened? Did a three-year-old beat you in wrestling?" I glare at him and threaten to choke him if he ever showed anyone the photo of my bed hair. "No, he had a bad dream and asked if he could sleep with me." Beckett's laugh stops and he shares a worried glance with Molly. My first instinct was that I did something wrong, and I quickly fly up and tuck the boy back in while apologizing for whatever it was that I screwed up.

"No, no, Bish. You didn't do... He has been having night terrors since his birth mom died. At first, not even my brother could calm him down, and then he wouldn't stop crying with anyone but him. When Jason had the accident... Let's just say that Sean and I have had many sleepless nights trying to find ways to ease his fears long enough to get him to fall back asleep."