Meet me in the Middle

Chapter 36

She flinched. That's all I can think about while I walk away from the other half of my soul. I poured my heart out to her and just wanted to take some of her pain away when she fucking flinched away from my touch! Did I really treat her that badly that the thought of having my hands anywhere near here made her take a step back?

A few minutes ago, I was agonizing over whether or not I should give her the divorce papers. I was planning what to say to her for weeks and had been going through my revised speech over and over again while looking at the document hoping some words will form together to give me the courage to rip the up. I knew it was the right decision, but I wasn't ready to lose her just yet. I needed more time! Then Carina showed up out of the blue and stood there like the cat got her tongue.

I left everything on the battlefield with her. My heart, my love, my guilt, my shame and she had nothing to say except to ask for more time. When I open the door at the landing of the stairs, I'm greeted by my whole team who were surrounding Travis. I almost close the door again to compose myself but I can hear Carina opening the door on the roof and I panic. I push through while the tears are streaming down my face and move past their curious gazes. I can feel Beckett following me as I rush into the locker room to hide.

He walks in behind me and throws his arms around me from the back to pull me against his body. I hadn't even realized that I crumbled to the floor when I got in or that my sobs were as loud as they were. He just holds me while I let it all out, rocking me like a baby until I'm no longer hyperventilating. When I feel strong enough to get off the floor, Beckett lets go to help me up before he drags me in for another hug. "Let it out, Bish. It's been a long time coming." So, I do. I stand in his embrace and take comfort from his love and support.

"She doesn't want me to fight for her anymore. I asked her if she'd ever choose me, if I should keep holding on to hope and she flinched away." My words are muffled into his chest, but he hears them and hugs me closer. Never saying anything bad about Carina even though I know he wants to. He pulls away from me to make sure that I look him in the eye. "You did what you had to and now you know. You were never going to heal with that uncertainty."

I place my hands over his on my face to convey the pain I was in. "Then why does it hurt so much knowing I just signed away the only connection I still had to her. I wanted her to choose me, Becks." The door opens with a bang and Andy walks in. She looks mad as hell, and I quickly pull away from Beckett's touch before she gets the wrong idea. Our friendship has been brought into question enough these last few days.

ENGINE 19
LADDER 19
AID CAR 19
Fire alarm triggered at Nathan Hale High School. All units respond.

The alarm goes off just as Andy was about bestow us the lecture she was getting ready for upon opening the door. Beckett and I follow her out of the locker room where he touches my back. "I won't leave your side, okay. We got each other's backs remember?" The smile we share with each other quickly disappears when we look up and see our whole team, surrounding Carina, glaring back at us.

"The hell you are! You are staying at the station on desk duty, Beckett. I mean it!" He scoffs at Andy's order and follows us to the trucks, but Sullivan stops him from climbing in after me. "Your captain ordered you to stay put. Better follow it!" Beckett looks over his shoulder at me and I sigh in defeat. "It's fine. I'll see you soon, okay." I give him a tight smile as Sullivan closes the door in his face, leaving Beckett standing there watching on as our team leaves.

I put the headset on and wait for Andy to give us the rundown of the scene we're rushing to. "Station 24 was already on scene when the alarm was triggered. Dispatch haven't been able to get a hold of them since. We are meeting hazmat on the scene and have to wait for their approval before we can go in." She reads the report from her tablet in the captain's seat and talks to dispatch while doing so.